


Pomade

by supercalvin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Greasers, Alternate Universe - High School, American Slang, Americanisms, BAMF Merlin, F/M, Gang Violence, Greaser AU, Greaser!Merlin, M/M, Soc!Arthur, jock!arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:58:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalvin/pseuds/supercalvin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is a Greaser from the West side. Arthur is a Soc from the East side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rip it Up

**Author's Note:**

> Pomade: a grease used to style hair; popular among Greasers  
> Socs (pronounced: so-shiz) are the clean cut kids from the East Side, opposite of Greasers
> 
> I apologize in advance, if you have to keep googling things because of all the random Americanism and 1950s terms! All unclear terms will be in the end notes with links and my best explanations.
> 
> Who says the Merlin fandom is dead? Keeping it alive one new AU at a time! I was browsing the Sherlock greaser AUs and I noticed there wasn't any Greaser fics in the Merlin fandom. So I decided to provide one. I will try to keep it as accurate as possible, because I know Greasers have become very Hollywoodized and I try for authenticity.
> 
> Also, the end notes for each chapter are kinda important, so...read those. *wink* *wink*
> 
> This was inspired by, but NOT BASED ON "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton

_“It seemed funny that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.”_ \-- The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

~

Main Street USA.

Home Town America.

The little white house with the blue shutters. A home with a green lawn and that white picket fence. A golden retriever in the yard and a tire swing off a tree branch.

A house on the wrong side of the railroad tracks. It’s a house, not a home. The curtains are closed tight and the paint is peeling from the wood siding. The lawn is brown with more dirt and mud than grass. The fence is wire and the dog growls at you from behind a neighbor’s locked screen door.

Honey, I’m home. A kiss on the cheek and a meatloaf in the oven. A pat on the back and a “Well done, sport!” A peaceful room in which to dream until morning comes.

No Father comes home. Or maybe he’s on the couch, drinking away the money that wasn’t made that day. No one asked how your day was. Dinner isn’t in the oven. You go out because the house feels like a jail. No one sleeps in that house. The yelling is a droning white noise and the quiet sobs are a cacophony. No one dreams any kind of dream.

Main Street USA

Home Town America

~

On the East side of town, a boy pulled up to the high school in his Bel Air. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, perfectly tall and trimmed. He had a nice pair of jeans, with a white button up. He wore his red letterman, as he always did. The air was cool, but it was clear that it would be hot in a few hours. He grabbed his books from the backseat of the car and headed towards the school doors. A group of boys who had gathered around the planters on the outside of school had already spotted him.

A curly headed one, his curls slicked back into a neat style, nodded to the arriving blonde. “Look who showed up!”

“I hate Mondays.” groaned his greeting to the group.

“Still tired after Friday, Arthur?” said a handsome brunet, with a disapproving look. He also wore a red letterman, like some of the other boys.

Arthur, the blonde boy, made a grimace but he laughed anyway, “I’m never drinking again.”

The boys all laughed, but little did they know that Arthur probably drank the least out of all of them. He was considered the leader of the group, the Socs, and he took his leadership seriously even if it was unofficial. He tried to watch out for all the boys when they were drunk, which meant he tried to stay sober most of the time.

They leaned against the planter in the front of the school, watching, almost _guarding_ , the students who slowly trickled into the school yard.

A group of girls (they always move in packs, hardly ever alone) giggled as they walked past the boys. The curly headed Soc nudged Arthur’s elbow and nodded toward one of the brunettes. Arthur rolled his eyes, “I don’t like her, Leon.”

“She likes you.” he replied.

“Giggling every time she walks by me is not proof.” Arthur remarked.

“I don’t know…” Leon turned to the handsome brunet, “What do you think Lance?”

“Sophia’s gone for you, Arthur.” answered Lance. “You should ask her to the dance on Friday.”

Arthur huffed, and nodded, indicating that he would think about it.

“Don’t have to go steady with her, Arthur.” Leon laughed at Arthur’s sour expression.

“Well then, are you asking Morgana?” Arthur bit back.

Leon laughed, but it was stilted and his whole had body stiffened. “I’d rather die than ask Morgana the Witch to a dance.” He said in a monotone.

Lance was frowning at Arthur, obviously angry that Arthur would bring up Morgana. A while ago Leon had drunkenly confessed that he thought Morgana was “swell” and “damn beautiful” (his words, not Arthur’s). They agreed not to talk about it, since Morgana was a Greaser. Not to mention she had been Merlin Emerson’s girl, one of the most well-known greasers in town.  They had broken off their relationship, but all hell would break loose if a Soc admitted a greaser girl was “swell,” let alone ask her to a dance. It was weird enough, knowing that Leon thought of Morgana that way.

They were quiet until the bell finally rang for school to begin and they headed their separate ways.

~

 

~

Two boys, about seventeen years old, were walking down the street, the morning light beginning to hit their profiles. Both boys had greased back hair, forming messy pomps. They were walking in the direction of the local high school, but classes had already been in session for at least an hour. The shorter boy with the neat pomp wore a pair of blue jeans, rolled at the cuff, with a dull green t-shirt, and a pack of cigarettes rolled into the sleeve. The day was young, but the sun was already hot, so he carried his denim jacket over his shoulder, hooked by a single finger. He walked with a lazy stride, like he was bored out of his skull.  The taller, lanky boy on the other hand, held himself with a smooth confidence. He exuded apathy and aloofness. His jeans were tight, rolled at the cuffs to reveal a pair of Chuck Taylor’s, and he wore a leather jacket despite the heat. A cigarette was behind his ear, and another was limp and unlit between his lips.

They crossed the tracks, leaving behind the West side of town and entering the East, where the school lay.

“You still seeing Suzy?” asked the lanky greaser to the other.

“Nah, man.” said the other, “She’s clingy. Always wants to be with me. I’d rather stay with the boys than go to the drive-in every night.”

“You just don’t want to pay for her, Will.” The lanky boy rolled his eyes.

“And what if I don’t?” said Will with a sneer. “She doesn’t put out anyway.”

With that comment Will earned himself a hard smack to the head.

“Ow! Merlin!” Will whined and rubbed his head.

“Watch it, knucklehead.” Merlin said as he put his hands back into the leather jacket’s pockets.

“Just sayin’. _Hey_ ,” Will said with a sly grin, “Why aren’t you seeing Morgana anymore?”

There was a slight misstep in the lanky boy’s stride, but he didn’t falter. “Don’t like her anymore.” he shrugged.

“Bullshit, what happened? You two were so gone for each other.”

“Not anymore.” Merlin said between gritted teeth, obviously annoyed with the subject.

“Too scary for you, huh?” Will bumped his elbow against Merlin’s.

Merlin relaxed and he gave a sidelong grin to his friend over the popped up collar of his leather jacket, “Terrifying” he said and with that, the tension broke and they let out their laughter.

“I don’t mean to pry.” Will said after they stopped laughing.

“It’s alright.” said Merlin, “Morgana’s _nutters_. I liked it for a while, but a guy can only take so much.” They were silent the rest of the walk, but a crease had formed above Merlin’s brow.

~

 

~

It was lunch time and the Socs were gathered on the tables in the open air. The boys and girls intermingle, flirting and laughing.

On the other side of the yard the greasers were on the metal benches, leaning and sitting in various poses of cool.

Leon nudged Lance and gave a pointed look to Arthur. Lance looked over and the King of the Socs was talking with the group of girls on the one side of the table. Sophia was amongst them and the girls had cleverly arranged themselves so Arthur had to be next to her, and very close to her. He looked like a lamb stuck with a group of lions, trying to charm them out of eating him alive.

Lance looked at Leon and said, “You know he didn’t mean what he said this morning? He’s still riled up after Vivian--”

Leon raised a hand, signaling the end of the conversation before it even began. Lance backed down, raising his hands in apology. Last year Arthur and Vivian had been going steady. Until she said she wanted him to propose to her, so they can have two children, a dog, and a nice house on the East side. It scared the shit out of Arthur, like it would almost any guy, and he broke up with her immediately. Vivian still hated him and Arthur was still nervous around girls.

On the other end of the yard Will was talking with Daegal, a young greaser. He had just moved into the neighborhood and had been taken to the greasers nicely. Merlin had taken him under his wing, as one of the older greasers, but Merlin had been quiet and more aloof than usual. Merlin’s sudden coolness sent Daegal looking for company elsewhere, though Will was a poor choice. Will was unpleasant with almost everyone, even the greasers, but even he seemed to be somewhat nice to Daegal.

“He didn’t tell you?” Daegal asked.

Will shook his head. He pulled out the pack of cigarettes which had been rolled up in his short sleeve and took out two, handing one to the younger boy. They lit them, pinching the cigs between their thumbs and index fingers. “He’s tight-lipped, won’t even talk to me about it.”

“But you’re his brother.” Daegal said with a pinch in his brow.

“Not brothers, kid.” Will clarified, blowing smoke out of his mouth. “Might as well be, and yet he’s still quiet.” Will studied Merlin who was at the other end of the group. “He’s brooding about something.” Will thought aloud, “He’ll get over soon. He’s in one of his moods.”

“One of his moods?” Daegal repeated, blowing smoke as he spoke.

Will tapped on his leg as he thought, taking a puff from the cigarette. “Yeah, you know. Gets in a mood and doesn’t want to talk. Hell if I know what it’s about half the time. Tell you what,” Will leaned in closer to Daegal like he was about to tell him a secret, “Merls may be a greaser, born and raised in the West side, but if he wasn’t, I’d swear he would grow up to be some fancy doctor  or lawyer.”

Daegal raised an eyebrow and chanced a look at the lanky black haired greaser on the other side of the group. “Merlin?”

“He’s brilliant, but teachers don’t give a shit if you know about cars or if you’re loyal or if you know how to talk your way out of a fight. The practical things in life. They want us to be good at math and know what Shakespeare did back in the day, like it fucking matters.” Will huffed, taking a long pull from the cigarette before smashing it on the ground. “Adults don’t care about us, Daegal, the sooner you figure that out, the better.”

~

The bell had just rung the two-minute warning so the halls were thinning as students rushed to class. Merlin, as always, kept the same pace he always had, and arrived to English class exactly 20 seconds late. Mr. Gaius, the Lit teacher, ignored his (late) arrival as he always did. Merlin liked Mr. Gaius.

He slid into a desk next to Mordred, another kid from the West side, who nodded at his arrival like he always did. Mr. Gaius was handing back last week’s essay, but when he stood in front of Merlin’s desk he said “See me after class, Mr. Emerson” and didn’t give him an essay. The whole class let out an official “Ooo” and some of the Soc girls sniggered. Merlin rolled his eyes and emulating indifference. His heart was racing though.

At the end of class Merlin let all the students flow out of class, staying in his seat. Mordred slapped him on the back with a “Stick it to him” and a click of his tongue. When the door closed behind Mordred it was dead silence between the teacher and his student.

“I know exactly what you are doing Mr. Emerson and I’m not happy about it. **At** **all**.” Mr. Gaius said with a frightening raise of his eyebrow. Merlin leaned lower into his seat, to show apathy or to shrink away from the old man’s wrath, neither knew for sure.

Merlin looked out the window in order to ignore his anxiety. A smack on his desk made him jolt up in his seat. Gaius was standing in front of him, an essay on the desk. An essay with a large red A on the front. The grin spread across Merlin’s face before he could stop it, and the moment he realized his slip, he coughed and schooled his features.

Mr. Gaius had seen the smile though, it was too late. “That’s what I thought.” he said. “Let me guess, good grades are for nerds.” Merlin turned his gaze away, not daring to show that he was actually ashamed of his apathy. “I know what you’re doing with this not caring nonsense.” he continued. “You need to fit into the crowd, I understand that Mr. Emerson, but your education is important too.” In that moment Merlin realized what Mr. Gaius had done when he didn’t hand Merlin back his essay in class. Not only had he upheld Merlin’s reputation by not letting the other kids see his essay, but he cared enough to talk to him. Merlin never respected the man more in his life.

A snap of fingers in front of his face brought his eyes back to his teacher. “This is important, Mr. Emerson, please pay attention.”

“I did well on my essay, didn’t I?” Merlin said with more acid than he actually felt.

Mr. Gaius sighed. “The fact that that sentence was grammatically correct makes me proud and extremely frustrated at the same time.” The teacher tapped his finger on the red A. “One good essay, Mr. Emerson, does not justify skipping my class, and quite frankly _most_ of your classes.”

Merlin was silent.

“I want to see you in my class every day, is that clear? And please go to your other classes, I’m tired of hearing your name in the teachers’ lounge.”

Stuffing the essay into his rucksack, Merlin nodded his head, “I’ll work on that.” Gaius gave him the eyebrow again.

“I’ll work on that, _sir_?” Merlin tried, uneasily.

Gaius let out an aggravated breath, “Do not _work_ on it, Mr. Emerson, _do_ _it_.”

“Yes sir.” Merlin said quickly, and headed toward the door.

“And Mr. Emerson?” Gaius called. Merlin stopped in the doorway looking back, “Get William Green to class every once and a while, would you? I hear his name far more than yours.”

Merlin cracked a grin, “ _That_ I can only try, sir.”

~

It was Friday night and the dance was kicking off at eight o’clock sharp. After the baseball game, the girls had gone straight home to prepare for the dance. The Soc girls wore swing skirts that bounced around their legs and the greaser gals wore tight pencil skirts that reached to their calves, or even a pair of leather pants. The Soc boys had put on a nice pair of slacks and a clean button up, maybe a skinny tie if they felt like it. Slicked their hair back into a neat style. The Greasers wore what they always wore: a pair of jeans and maybe a new shirt. They were all ready. But not before they fixed their hair into its perfect pomp or quiff.  

The Socs and Greasers were the warring nations on the gymnasium floor. Bill Haley & His Comets would be singing out a swing song, and the jitterbug would start. As the kids danced it would look like the floor had turned into a trampoline, girls flying over shoulders and jumping into the air. The air would be filled with laughter, excitement, and maybe a hint of competition.

As socially expected, the Greasers arrived late to the dance. It was nine o’clock when Merlin arrived, along with some other kids from the West side. Will was wearing his new Daddy-O shirt, which he had saved for the occasion, though he would have killed Merlin if he told anyone that. His hair was slicked back into a perfect pomp, and he had a new girl on his arm, looking every bit the Greaser. Merlin, on the other hand, had come alone. Morgana not so subtly suggested he should take her, but he had not so subtly told her ‘no.’ Merlin did spiff up for the occasion though, _it was still a dance_. He had his nice black denims on, with a black t-shirt and boots, topped with his leather jacket. His hair was a mess, but it still managed to be a mix of slicked back and in his eyes.

The dance was in full swing, and so were the dancers. After some persuasion Morgana got Merlin onto the floor. It didn’t take much convincing. Morgana was still his friend, even if he didn’t want to go steady with her. He pulled off his jacket, shoving it at Will (who hurled an insult at him) and he grabbed Morgana’s hand.

“Finally!” she yelled as they ran to the floor, already bounding on their toes.

“You just want to get near me.” Merlin smirked as he took her hand and placed his other hand on her back. The dance temporarily ended Merlin’s foul mood which had plagued the week. He seemed to be happy to dance and drink with the gang, and forget whatever had been bothering him.

“Maybe” she laughed as she jumped on her toes as Elvis warned everyone to lay off his blue suede shoes. The rest of the dance they didn’t have much breath for talking as they swung across the floor. Her pencil skirt restricted some of her leg movements, but if anything Morgana was stubborn, and fabric wasn’t going to get in her way. They were a good pair when it came to dancing, and he had her up in the air a couple times. Eventually Will and his new girl joined them, and across the way Mordred swung Kara around.

A few hours later they were exhausted from the exertion. The punch had been spiked (courtesy of Will, of course) and everyone was relaxing. As the slow songs began to play, the mood began to shift. The girls who didn’t have a date would be seated, desperately waiting for any guy to ask her to dance. The boys would be in the restroom, building up the courage to ask that one special girl to dance or hiding from the pressure.

Merlin made an elegant sarcastic bow to Morgana who took his hand with a snarky courtesy.

 _“…and time goes by… so slowly…_ ” the gym echoed as the lights were dimmed and the kids swayed back and forth. “ _Whoa, my love, my darling…_ ” Morgana leaned her cheek on Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin was content at the moment to just sway with her.

“Why’d you break it off with me?” she asked only loud enough so Merlin could hear.

Merlin sighed. “Morgana.” He just wanted to dance with her after a nice night, was that too much to ask? He danced with several girls that night, not only Morgana; she knew they weren’t together anymore.

“Just tell me, I promise not to get mad” She lifted her head to look into his eyes.

He raised a brow at her, because Morgana always got mad, but she didn’t deter. “Didn’t you feel like…” he started, but stopped, trying to think of a good way to explain himself. He was watching all the kids in the gym sway to the song. A nerd had gathered up the courage to ask one of the girls sitting on the benches to dance, and they looked the happiest they’d been all night. “We were just seeing each other because that’s what everyone thought we should do.” Merlin said. “Did you _really_ feel anything for me?”

Morgana bit her lip. “Maybe you’re right.” She laid her head back on his shoulder.

“Morgana you’ll always be in my heart,” he said petting her hair, knowing she was still angry and hurt because he’d broken up with her. “But I don’t feel like going steady with _anyone_ at the moment, it’s not just you.”

He felt her release a big sigh “You’re so hard to stay mad at, Merlin Emerson.”

“I’ll steal some of Will’s cigs for you and we’ll call it even?” Merlin joked.

She laughed at him, looping her fingers behind his neck, and nodded “That might work.” She was quiet again, but she looked anxious. Merlin found out why a minute later. “There’s a rumble tonight, isn’t there?”

Merlin huffed out a breath, “Who told you?” he asked.

“Figured it out myself. You boys aren’t as sneaky as you think you are.”

“Yes.” he confirmed, “And don’t try stopping it or something stupid.” She gritted her teeth, but Merlin could see that she was worried. “It’ll be fine.”

“It’s stupid.”

“They hurt Daegal.” Merlin bit back, probably with more ice than there should have been. Daegal had gotten into trouble with some Socs and they’d beat him badly. A rumble was bound to happen anyways, Merlin could practically feel the tension between the two sides of town. The incident with Daegal was just the catalyst.

“It’ll be done tonight and there’ll be a calm after the storm, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She mockingly sneered. “You come home with bruises all over, and you tell me not to worry.”

The song ended, and Merlin was freed from having to answer to Morgana. Will tapped him on the shoulder, giving him a meaningful look.

“I’ll see you later, Morgana.” he said.

“I better.” she growled back, but turned on her heel before Merlin could properly say goodbye.

“She still mad at you?” Will asked.

Merlin ignored him, “Let’s go.”

~

On the far side of town, neither East side nor West side (maybe somewhere in-between on the North side), was a park where the rumble was to go down. At midnight they arrived. Like a chess board the Greasers arrived from the West side and the Socs from the East side. The chess pieces stepped forward.

The greasers didn’t really have a leader. They were a strange mingling of different ages and different level of leadership ability. Some would say that Merlin was their leader, the one they looked up to, but he was also young. Merlin hardly ever took a leadership position, but the greasers still admired him.  Julius Borden was considered by others more of a leader. Borden was an older greaser (about twenty) who worked at the car garage. He took in Merlin and Will after Merlin’s mom died, leaving the two boys behind. Julius stepped forward to discuss the terms.

The Socs were more organized than the greasers. Arthur Pendragon was the leader, by far. He was King of the School; King of the Socs. Golden Boy Pendragon as the greasers dubbed him with sneers. It was easy to hate him from afar, but he was good at a hand to hand, and no one wanted to go against him. The rest of the Socs were a mix, but there seemed to be a hierarchy.  Arthur’s close friends were good fighters, and thus to be hated and the others were just asses in general.

The terms were settled. Hand to hand, no knives, no chains, no wire, nothing but bare hands. Julius and Arthur nodded then stepped back. There was an awkward pause of hesitation. The tension ended when Merlin stepped forward and punched one of the boys who had hurt Daegal straight in the face (probably breaking his nose and bruising Merlin’s knuckles). The rest was chaos.

At some point they stopped being on sides and clashed together in a heated battle. Hands punched at anything. Elbows were perfect for knocking away an arm or hitting a head. Knees banged sensitive areas and feet whacked at knees.

Insults were thrown as often as punches. Mothers’ virtues were impugned. Boys’ genders were questioned. Fighting skills were criticized. With each punch and kick, honors were defended, rights protected, and loyalty demonstated.

Eventually everything blurred. They stopped having names, forgetting who they were, who they were fighting and who was fighting with them. They were either a Greaser or a Soc; an ally or an enemy. The fight had erased all identity from their body, leaving behind a hairstyle and a pile of clothes in order to distinguish friend from foe.

The police sirens injected reality back into the boys. They remembered their names, and with that they remembered that they needed to get the hell out of there least they get thrown in jail. The boys who had an enemy by the collar dropped them and took off running, while the boys on the ground grabbed a friend’s hand and made a run for it.

With one last shove Merlin dropped the boy he’d been fighting. He looked around for anyone that needed a hand. Will looked fine, already running ahead yelling “Let’s go you fuckers!” to a nearby group of Greasers. Merlin grabbed a straggling greaser and booked it over the hill and into the West side. By the time the cops got out of their cars and into the park, it was deserted.

~

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's blasphemy using Americanism for a BBC Show, and I'm sorry, but its necessary for this AU.
> 
> I am in no way an expert on the Greaser subculture! This story was pulled from three main sources: Media, Research, and My Family. The media is very inaccurate, but that's where people became so interested in Greaser culture. I did a lot of research to make sure I knew what I was talking about, I promise, and I've had family who lived through this era, so anything that isn't sourced came from my own experience.
> 
> [The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Outsiders_\(novel\)): A novel about young Greasers in the 1960s. If you haven’t read it it’s a very easy read and very short, and I highly recommend that you read it. The basic idea of the story is a gang war between the Socs and the Greasers. No spoilers, but Ponyboy (main character) and Johnny (his friend) get into some trouble and shit goes down. Moral of the Story: doesn’t matter if you’re from the East Side or West Side, you still watch the same sunset.
> 
> [Greaser](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greaser_\(subculture\)): (rockabilly, hoodlum, or hood) The name came from their greased back hair style, a pomp or sometimes a quiff.  
> [Socs](http://theoutsiders.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Socs) (pronounced: so-shiz): This term is from The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. It’s short for “Socials” who are the opposite of the Greasers.  
> Merlin’s hair is inspired by Colin Morgan’s hair in Mojo ([here](http://childliketendencies.tumblr.com/post/66689460815/geraint-lewis-via-source)) (but not his outfit.) and I’m going to be honest [this work of art](http://whimsycatcher.tumblr.com/post/61893342142) by whimsycatcher is amazing hair porn at its best. Arthur has a neat quiff hairstyle which I can’t think of the right name for, so here’s a link to Cary Grant, [enjoy](http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Grant,%20Cary/Annex/Annex%20-%20Grant,%20Cary%20\(Only%20Angels%20Have%20Wings\)_01.jpg). (You’re welcome).
> 
> Arthur’s car is a red 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air. I’ve driven in one, and it’s like being in a friggin’ boat.
> 
> Songs:
> 
> [Rip it up](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdlfZ4213zM) by Billy Haley & His Comets
> 
> [Blue Suede Shoes](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Ond-OwgU8) by Elvis Presley
> 
> [Unchained Melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQTndyhJx7Q) by the Righteous Brothers  
> 


	2. Play it Cool, Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin never expected help from a Soc. Arthur wasn't expecting it either.

John Wayne sauntered across the giant silver screen just as Merlin was walking to the snack station. Of course Will couldn’t wait until the break for food, the lazy ass. Merlin didn’t care anyway. The movie was barely keeping his attention. He weaved his way through the parked cars and almost made it to the snack line until he was stopped.

“Hey there, stud.” Merlin turned around and there was Morgana, followed by her friends (who looked more like _guards_ than friends) standing behind her, Mithian and Morgause.

Merlin leaned back on his heels, rolling back his shoulders. He smoothly said “What do you want Morgana” trying to remember if he had some cigarettes or if he could steal some from Will tonight.

She strolled up to him, close to his face and touching his chest, “Just want to talk, babe.” The girls behind her were glaring at him, like he was the enemy.

“Look.” he said, prying Morgana’s hands off his jacket, before they did anything stupid like go into his hair. “We talked already at the dance, remember?” he looked Morgana straight in the eye. He knew exactly what she was doing. She was putting on a show for the girls to prove that she was still angry with Merlin. In her eyes he could see that she was conflicted, half angry and half content with what Merlin had said at the dance. No one said heartbreak was easy, he just felt guilty that his heart hadn’t broken as much as hers. Because his heart had broken when he told her they shouldn’t go steady anymore. He did love Morgana (in a certain way). He loved her like a friend, like a comrade, or like a sister, but he couldn’t get his heart to put out anything more than that.

“Maybe I didn’t like what you had to say.” Morgana pouted. It was so fake and it made Merlin’s flesh crawl.

“Maybe we should talk in private.” he gave a strong look to Mithian and Morgause, though not too strong. They were scarier than Hell. Even he had to admit that.

“Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of my friends, Merlin.” she said wickedly. Merlin groaned because he just wanted to tell Morgana that she didn’t have to put on this act, it was ridiculous. He pled with his eyes the best he could, ‘Don’t make me break your heart in front of your friends.’ But of course, that was the point of bringing her friends along: so Merlin would have to play nice. Well, Merlin was done playing, nice or otherwise.

“Morgana, I broke it off with you and I’m sorry. I really am.” he said, trying to take her hand, but she yanked it away. He held out his hand in defeat, “But I’m not going to go steady with you just because you keep _pestering_ me.” and he walked away. Morgana yelled insults at him, and Merlin could practically feel the stares and middle fingers the two other girls were giving him.

He decided to screw Will and just go home. He pulled out his remaining cigarette from behind his ear and lit it as he exited the drive-in.

He was in a bad mood. He had been in a bad mood the whole week. Actually, he had been in a bad mood even when he had been with Morgana. Something was crawling around in him, between his muscles and skin, driving him crazy. He hated that he had to put on a show all the time. He had been putting on this act for years. he’d grown up in the West side, he was taught how to act practically since birth, and he was a master at it.

It was one thing to act nonchalant in front of the Socs. That was for the best. In front of the Socs, greasers like Merlin had to act cool or else they would be dead meat. You give a Soc an inch of fear and they beat you the rest of the mile. It was as simple as that. But putting on a mask in front of your own kind? That was crossing the line. Merlin wanted to punch, kick, and kill. He hated that he had to act like he didn’t care in front of Morgana and her friends. At the dance Morgana understood, he could be excited when he danced with her and content when he swayed with her. But as soon as she brought her friends along and started playing this game of acting, he was through. He was done with her and the acting.

Will was the only one who came close to understanding how Merlin felt, but even he didn’t grasp it. Merlin relied on Will, because he was the only one Merlin could show emotions to. That’s what best friends were for though, Merlin thought, helping you and seeing your emotions spread out on the floor as if they were blood after a fight. As much as Merlin relied on Will, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him how he was feeling, let alone explain it. He hardly understood it himself.

Merlin took a final drag from his cigarette, blowing smoke above his head into the dead cold air, and then stamped it out on the side walk. He had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the voices and footsteps. His cigarette smoke had been like a smoke signal to indicate where he was. _Idiot_. A lone greaser on the East side of town in the middle of the night. Merlin realized his mistake too late though, because the Socs were too close behind him.

“Where you going?” yelled one of the Socs. Merlin could hear alcohol on their tongues, and he knew he wasn’t getting away easily. He could run, but he would be called a coward. So running away wasn’t an option. He could stand and fight. He took a quick glance behind himself and saw that there were at least five Socs. Damn it.

“Oh don’t run away!” said another Soc when Merlin unconsciously picked up his pace.

“I bet your Dad doesn’t come home ‘cause he hates you.” bellowed another one.

“Oh wait!” one said, hollowing with laughter.

“He’s got no father!” the other one finished.

“Bastard!” They yelled. The gang of Socs was gaining on him, and there was little time to make any decisions. Now, they were right behind him.

“I bet it’s because your mom’s a dirty whore!”

That was the last straw. Merlin turned around kicked the nearest guy in the nuts and when he bent in half Merlin punched him in the face. Another Soc came at him but Merlin elbowed his jaw, effectively knocking him away. One of the bigger Socs came after him and he couldn’t avoid the punch. He had enough black eyes to know that the punch was going to leave a shiner. He hit the guy in the stomach, but that only made him madder, and it probably wasn’t the best idea. The other guys were right behind the leader and Merlin was completely out numbered. He thought of making a run for it while he still had a chance, but it was too late. Someone grabbed him from behind, and though he got in a good kick to the knees and an elbow into a set of ribs, they had him pinned down.

~

Arthur usually didn’t interfere with other people’s problems. He left the guys to deal with their own issues and let them sort it out themselves. Sometimes the boys would get into spats and they would fight for weeks over petty things, like a bunch of girls. They eventually figured it out with little guidance from Arthur. Occasionally he will tell one (or both) of the guys he was being a douche and that would settle things and other times he would let things play out. There were times though when the arguments spark into a fight, a few punches and everyone settles down. Arthur lets those happen because it’s not his business, even if it is amongst his friends. There were only two times when he felt the need to break up a fight because it was getting out of hand: once when Owen and Lucan had an argument over a girl and the other time was that evening.

Arthur had seen a lot of fights. He wasn’t new to the violence of a rumble or a fist fight, so he knew even across the street how a fight was going. And he knew as soon as he saw the boys down the street that the fight was out of hand and definitely not a fair fight. There was a group of boys who had dominated over a single guy, and Arthur had never thought that was fair. There was no honor in a fight when it was five to one.

He ran down the street and he could smell the alcohol five feet away, which added to his assumption about an unfair fight. He recognized Val, one of the meanest (and stupidest) Socs Arthur had ever had the misfortune to know, and some of his friends. Arthur had never liked Val, but he was reluctant to turn anyone away from the Socs when he had no valid reason to dislike someone.

Arthur pulled Val away from hitting whoever it was, “Knock it off Val, that’s enough.” Val laughed at him, his breath stale with the smell of beer. Arthur’s nose wrinkled. That was when he turned to see who the victim was. Merlin Emerson. A lone greaser on the wrong side of the tracks, in the middle of the night.

That was the moment when things changed for Arthur. The world would never be right on its axis again. He was ripped in two, because the fight had been unfair, by a long shot, but on the other hand, the greaser was alone in enemy territory. All the morals and rules Arthur had grown up with seemed to be slapping him in the face at that very moment. Arthur was going to end the fight either way, but _why_ he would end the fight was nagging at him. Arthur would end the fight knowing it had been justified and clearly the greaser had beaten over the appropriate amount or to end the fight knowing it had been unfair and brutal, _even_ if it had been a greaser.

The inner argument he was having with himself was hardly the problem though. It was not the thing which would tilt the world. It was the face of a boy who had beaten raw by five other boys. He was bleeding and hurt, but Arthur had seen all that and worse. The problem was that this was Merlin Emerson, the greaser known for being apathetic, unemotional, and one of the best fighters on the West side. Hell, Arthur may have agreed to the terms last week for the rumble but he remembered that it had been Merlin who had thrown the first punch. He was fearless and it was acknowledged on the East side that he was tough, and didn’t give a damn. But that greaser wasn’t who he saw when he looked down to the boy on the concrete. That was a boy who had been beaten, with desperate eyes that pled for the beating to stop. Those eyes were looking at Val with panic, and when Merlin turned to look at Arthur, he looked terrified. 

A memory of when Lucan had been beaten by a group of greasers on the West side rushed back to Arthur at that moment. Lucan had been bleeding and bruised, but what had angered Arthur the most was the look of fear in the young Socs eyes. Lucan had been scared and Arthur had hated the greasers for it. The greasers were monsters. Now he couldn’t stop looking at Merlin, fearless, tough Merlin Emerson with his leather jacket and a cigarette in his mouth, and thinking that from his point of view _Arthur_ was the monster.

“He’s had enough.” Arthur heard himself say. “Not worth it.” he croaked out. He pushed Val away and gathered the boys in the opposite direction of the greaser.

Val and his friends didn’t even bother to look at Merlin one last time, but continued on their way like it was normal to have beaten a boy almost to death. Merlin watched Arthur, and the Soc wasn’t even sure that the greaser was aware how scared and broken he looked. He was beaten badly but there was still something telling Arthur not to help the greaser. He backed away, leaving the greaser on the sidewalk, he’d done enough as it was.

Arthur watched from a distance as the greaser slowly stood up, first on one knee then using his hands he lifted his body up. Arthur watched as the boy did a quick check for broken bones and winced when he felt the new injuries on his body. The greaser spit, and though it was far away and dark Arthur knew it was more blood than salvia. With shaking hands the boy pulled out his comb from his back pocket and greased back his hair, lifting his chin as he did so, as if regaining a bit of pride when he did it. Arthur noticed it was like watching someone put themselves back together after being broken in half. Stuffing the comb in his back pocket again he started walking (limping on his left side) to the West side, his head held even and his hands in his pockets, the perfect picture of indifference. That was all a mask, Arthur realized, and he could never see the world he lived in the same way again.

~

When Merlin finally got back to the house after running into the gang of Socs he was exhausted. Tired as he was though, he knew he needed to clean up for two reasons: to make sure his wounds wouldn’t get infected and so that there would be less blood for Will to be angry over, once he saw Merlin’s condition. He grabbed the rubbing alcohol out of the cabinet along with a rag and started to clean, taking swigs from a bottle of hard liquor every once and a while. It numbed the pain better than anything else Merlin could do.

By two in the morning Merlin was passed out on the couch in the front room, a partially filled bottle of liquor at his side, his face black and blue, with only his shoes and jacket off. Will was furious with Merlin for leaving him at the drive-in, though he was a slightly happy that he got to spend some _quality_ _time_ with his new girl, and he was ready to give Merlin a mouthful of insults when he got back. When Will got home that night (morning) he was livid, that is, until he saw Merlin on the couch (passed out and beaten), then he was livid for another reason entirely.

Merlin groaned as Will woke him up “What the _hell_ happened?” Will had him by the shirt and was practically screaming in Merlin’s face.

“What do you think happened?” Merlin grumbled, looking around for his liquor and wincing when he tweaked his bruised ribs. “Socs. Five of ‘em”

“God damn it! I’m going to kill them all! Those dirt sons of bitches! They’re all animals. Who do they think they are, messing with greasers like we did anything against them! Pieces of shit! I’m going to make every last one of them pay for this! I’ll rip their balls off and--” Will’s rant went on for a very long time and Merlin (either due to the beating or the alcohol) passed out half way through it (Thank God).

When Julius got home in the morning he wasn’t happy either, though he left the threats and angry yelling to Will. He asked if Merlin had cleaned himself up and if he had any broken ribs. When Merlin told him that he was fine, Julius left it at that. Julius cared for his own, like every greaser, but he wasn’t the type to coddle anyone. Merlin didn’t want coddling anyway, he was annoyed with Will’s anger (only slightly pleased with Will’s reaction, since he knew it was his way of showing his brotherly love in the only way he knew how). Merlin had been kicked around before, never this bad that was for sure, but he had had his fair share of bruised ribs and split lips. He’d been hurt at rumbles and hand-to-hand fights (bruised knuckles, black eyes, cuts and scrapes) not to mention he’d been slapped by policemen (“disobedience” “rebellion” “defiance” “insolence”).

The blood, aches, and pains, he could handle. They were physical pains and they would heal in time with little effort on his part. But he knew he would probably not walk around at night alone for a long time, either due to Will’s instance or because Merlin really didn’t want a repeat.

Will didn’t ask how Merlin got away and Merlin didn’t tell him about Arthur Pendragon. He hardly knew what to think of it himself, let alone what Will would think of it. All Merlin could remember was the feeling of desperation as he felt the never ending blows hit his body then the suddenness at the absence of blows. He had looked up, the blood in his eyes, and seen Arthur Pendragon, King of the Socs himself, the best fighter on the East side. He remembered being terrified in that moment, thinking it was only going to get worse and minutes before not thinking that was possible. But the unthinkable had happened and that Soc had stopped the other Socs from beating him. A Soc had helped Merlin, and he never saw that coming, nor could he believe it now that it had happened.

It didn’t make sense. Why would a Soc help a greaser? Merlin had been alone in enemy territory, he had obviously been up for grabs, maybe a little less than what came to him, but by street law the attack was somewhat justified. Had the Soc thought the punishment had been enough (if not too much) and ended it before his own kind got into trouble? Had he ended it because he wanted to help Merlin? Had he thought the fight was unfair? What made _Arthur_ _Pendragon_ help _Merlin_ _Emerson_ of all people?

Merlin would still be confused even after the events of Monday afternoon.

Monday morning came around and Merlin still felt (and looked) like shit. He decided to skip school, even if Mr. Gaius would be angry with him. He would still have his bruises to aid his excuse for the next day, Mr. Gaius would understand. It was three in the afternoon, Merlin was lying around the house (secretly reading a book for class, least Will discover it, and make fun of him) when a knock came at the door. No one ever knocked. They either barged into the house or yelled to ask if someone was home. Wary as he was after the events of the weekend Merlin pulled out his switchblade, went to the front door and called out “Who’s there?”

There was a long pause. Merlin almost thought no one was there, but then a voice he had heard only occasionally, at rumbles or maybe in a class, answered back. “I really don’t think you’d open the door if I said who I was.”

Merlin opened the door out of some instinct that told him he wasn’t in any danger, though he thought it should be every instinct telling him to stab the Soc in the gut. Arthur Pendragon was at the front door, looking extremely out of place with his red button up and neat haircut. He didn’t back down from Merlin’s stare though. Merlin watched as the Soc’s eyes cataloged the bruises on his face.

“What are you doing here?” Merlin asked, a little bluntly especially to someone who had helped him with no reason at all to do so.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak but he stumbled over his words. “I just--Well it’s--” which was eloquently concluded with “Val’s a dick.” His earnest expression made Merlin believe that this was supposed to be some sort of peace offering, or maybe just a temporary call for a lay down of arms.

Thinking quickly Merlin said, “You’re a Soc on the West side, they’ll beat you to a pulp.” and with that he grabbed Arthur by the shirt and pulled him into the house, looking left and right to make sure no one saw him. Will had gone to school that day (Merlin had insisted) but if Will saw Arthur, he wouldn’t care what Merlin had to say, Arthur would be in deep shit.

Merlin shut the door behind Arthur, not offering to move to the front room, instead keeping him in the entry way. “What are you doing here?” Merlin asked again.

“You said ‘they’ll beat me to a pulp.’ You won’t, though?” Arthur asked in turn, looking more at the bruising around Merlin’s eye than his actual eyes.

“Well seeing as how I’m already fucked up at the moment I think I’ll leave the fights to someone else for a couple weeks.” Merlin bit out acidly. What was this Soc doing here? Was he trying to rub it in that Merlin had needed help?

Arthur raised his hands in surrender. “Look, I’m just.” he paused to let out a sigh. “I’m here to apologize, I guess.”

That threw Merlin for a loop. “What?” he said. “Apologize for _what_ , exactly?”

“Val and his idiot friends shouldn’t have beaten you. They were drunk,” he shook his head “but that’s not an excuse because I know damn well that they would have done it sober. I’m just…I’m sorry that it happened.”

“I don’t think I understand.” Merlin said, “Val’s a Soc.” Arthur nodded. “And you’re a Soc.” Arthur shrugged. “Why aren’t you on _his_ side?”

Arthur let out an angry breath and ran a hand over his face, “I have no clue. Look. All I know is that I never liked Val or his friends, but if it had been any of my other friends I would have stopped that fight because it’s not a fight when it’s five to one. That was a coward’s fight.  I didn’t think it was a greaser when I saw the fight at first, and when I saw that it was you I didn’t know what to do. Hell, I still don’t know what I’m doing. I just needed to tell you that I wish it never happened and that that was the first time I saw a greaser as just….” he searched for a word but couldn’t find one, instead he just shrugged with a anxious look at Merlin.

Merlin had let his mask slip that night, it was inevitable with that kind of physical abuse, but Arthur must have seen through Merlin’s exterior and realized for the first time that Merlin was just a kid like him. Just like how Merlin had realized Arthur was a good person when he stopped the gang of Socs. Now Merlin was discovering that Arthur was just a boy from a different side of town who came into enemy territory just to talk with a greaser.

Maybe Arthur wasn’t so bad. _Oh_ _shit_ , Merlin thought, everything is turning upside down.

“You should go.” Merlin said, and reached behind Arthur for the doorknob, the closest to a Soc he had been without having the intention of punching him.

Arthur stammered, thinking he must have said something wrong. Merlin cut him off. “You’re apologizing for saving my life. I appreciate it, really. You realize that we’re just humans on this side of the tracks. _Great_. Now _go_ before I have to return the favor.”

Arthur gaped for a second, then turned to leave, realizing that Merlin had accepted his (sort of) apology. Right at the frame of the door though, the Soc stopped and turned to the greaser.

“I don’t want to hate.” he said, looking surprisingly desperate at Merlin.

“It’s not about feelings. It’s about survival.” Merlin snipped back. He didn’t want to be angry with Arthur, but he didn’t know how else to act with a Soc. There were only two emotions he was allowed to have in front of a Soc: anger or indifference. Arthur was showing him neither of these things and it made Merlin feel uncomfortable and confused.

Merlin was surprised even more when Arthur responded with what they had both had been taught since birth, “You just have to _look_ like you hate.” And with that, he left Merlin’s house at a quick pace, leaving Merlin more confused than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from ["Cool"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkdP02HKQGc&list=PL393DD56F3F12DF1C) from West Side Story. It's a strange song out of context, but basically the boys need to keep a "cool" after getting into some trouble.
> 
> I hate WIP more than anyone in the whole world, so I hereby swear that this will be updated regularly. Hope you like it so far.


	3. The Great Pretenders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're the great Pretenders. Pretending that we're doing well. We've played the game.

It was a normal day. Arthur arrived at school in his Bel Air, like he always did. He talked with the boys, like he always did. He went to class, like he always did. He ate at the outside tables during lunch, _like he always did_.

Everything was the same. The only difference was that he was hyper-aware of everything around him. He could see everyone clearer than before. The normal kids were so much more wonderful than before. They were vibrant, with love and conflict of their own. The nerds in the halls weren’t just nerds anymore, but student struggling to be themselves. For years Arthur had made assumptions about these people and all of a sudden he realized that they were just _assumptions_. Arthur never knew anything about these kids, but had figured they were different than him, when in reality they were all the same.

The greasers were different to him now. At lunch he watched them. They sat on the other side of the yard, as far away from the other groups of students (and the Socs) as possible. Arthur couldn’t figure out why the greasers (or maybe just one) had gotten under his skin so suddenly. They were grouped together on the metal bleachers, a mix of boys and girls. The girls seemed to be gossiping together, but not with their faces behind their hands, instead they were obviously pointing and talking. The boys were leaning against the fence, a smoke in their mouth and their shoulders pulled back in an easy confidence.

Even the Socs were different to Arthur now. The girls were gossiping together, the only thing that differentiated them from the greaser girls (besides their clothing) was that they were more secretive about their gossip. The boys on the other hand, were very similar to the greasers. Arthur found himself studying Leon. His curly hair was styled into a neat cut, his chin held high with an easy confidence. Arthur turned back to the greasers. The one greaser next to Merlin (Will? Was that his name?) had the same expression on his face, with the same kind of confidence. Arthur was instantly struck with the idea that if Leon were wearing greaser clothing and if he slicked back his hair, Arthur would not have hesitated to punch him if there had been a rumble. That shook him to his very core. Arthur couldn’t shake the feeling that during all those rumbles he had been hurting his friends. Perhaps not his friends, but just boys. He had been that monster, the monster which had put that look of fear in Merlin’s eyes.

“Are you alright, Arthur?” Leon asked, slapping Arthur on the shoulder. Arthur shook himself out of it and nodded, avoiding Leon (and practically everyone else) the rest of the day (and maybe the rest of the week).

Merlin had showed up to school that day. Normally Arthur would not have noticed or cared, but today he both noticed and cared. He hadn’t been there the day before and Arthur was afraid something had gone wrong or that Merlin had been more hurt than Arthur had thought. He had been (unacceptably and inappropriately) worried. The greaser was still badly bruised, which of course caused gossip to spring up all over the school. Some of the rumors were kinder than other, putting Merlin in a good light (Whoa, look at that. It doesn’t even look like it hurts him. Badass. _Cool_ ). Other rumors were not so kind (Look at that hood. Got into trouble. He probably deserved it. _Troublemaker_ ). And some rumors were just humiliating, (Did you see that shiner? He didn’t even avoid that punch. He’s not as great as everyone says. All bark and no bite. _Pathetic_ ).

Arthur was restraining himself from punching everyone who said anything about Merlin, good or bad. How dare they assume something about Merlin Emerson, just by his black eye, leather jacket, and greased back hair. Arthur wanted to tell everyone what really happened. He wanted to explain that Merlin Emerson, the greaser from the West side, was just a boy. Leave him alone! He wanted to shout to the sky that he didn’t understand what was right and what was wrong anymore.

~

When Merlin got to class the next day, he felt rather than saw Mr. Gauis’ eyes on his face. He leaned in his seat and glued his eyes to the desk. When class ended, he deliberately stayed late, until he was the last student in the classroom. Mr. Gaius’ back was turned as he erased the chalkboard, but the teacher knew Merlin was there.

“Do I even want to know?” Mr. Gaius sighed.

Merlin rubbed the back of his neck. “Probably not.” he answered. It would have been easy to lie, to tell a story that he got into a fight. But it was so much easier to just let the kids think what they wanted. Merlin never cared about rumors anyways. He didn’t have a choice anyway, because being a greaser was never good for gossip. Mr. Gaius, though, would never take a fake story. He would see straight through Merlin’s lies. Instead Merlin said, “What did I miss yesterday?”

“Did you start it?” Gaius asked instead of answering.

“No!” Merlin said quickly and too defensively.

It must have been what Mr. Gaius wanted to hear though, because he looked at Merlin for the first time and said, “Good.” He looked proud, which was also a first for Merlin because people, adults especially, were rarely proud of him. Adults mostly expected the worst of him and when he showed up with a bruise on his face it only confirmed their assumptions.

Mr. Gaius handed him a sheet of paper, “Here’s your assignment. There’s an essay on Friday. I expect you to be in class, Mr. Emerson. I want your best work.”

“Thank you.” he said as he took the paper. He was thanking him for so much more than just the assignment, and the nod Mr. Gaius gave him told him that he understood. No matter what happened to Merlin, Mr. Gauis would always treat him the same. There would be no special treatment, and he always expected the best from Merlin, even when everyone else thought so little of him.

~

Arthur and Merlin, when they passed each other in the halls, like most Socs and greasers, would adamantly ignore each other. Even if accidental eye contact was made, there was a chance of a fight breaking out. But that day, Arthur made eye contact with Merlin, and that was the beginning.

The following month they would make eye contact with each other the few times they would pass in the hall. They would never speak nor ever even nod at each other. It was like the single act of looking at each other, acknowledging the other’s existence, had changed everything.

By the end of the month, nothing had changed. Everything was the same as it had ever been which is probably why it was driving Arthur insane. There was nothing concrete for Arthur to grasp about Merlin Emerson. The looks of acknowledgement might be nothing more than just accidental eye contact. Merlin may think nothing of it, but then again, Arthur could never make up that feeling he got every time he saw the greaser in the hall, like he wanted to befriend him even if it was against everything he had ever been taught.

A month had passed, Arthur was going insane, and that’s why he finally did something.

~

It was a normal day for Merlin, which of course was too good to be true because something hadn’t gone terribly wrong in his life for a while now, so it was about time something happened. Merlin was walking in the halls when he saw Arthur Pendragon ahead of him, walking in his direction. This was normal, since Merlin usually saw the Soc in this hallway at this time of day. They had looked at each other every day since the day Merlin got back from the attack, and everyday Merlin was reminded that nothing made since anymore.

Today, though, Arthur wasn’t just making eye contact with Merlin, he was staring him down. He was walking straight toward him, glaring at him, he wasn’t even stopping—

Arthur practically ran him over, shoving and jostling him. “Hey!” Arthur yelled, like he hadn’t seen Merlin at all, which was _ridiculous_. Merlin gaped at the Soc while he readjusted his jacket.

Merlin felt himself growl, “Watch where you’re going Pendragon.” He wasn’t sure what made him say it, since he felt no ill-will toward the Golden Boy, but Arthur had just deliberately run into him. He pulled back his shoulders, straightened his spine, and glared down at the Soc. He could feel the stares of the students, waiting for a fight.

“Watch where _you’re_ going, Emerson. All that grease get in your eyes?” Arthur snarled back. Merlin felt his body tingle with the anticipation of a fight, his lip curled and his fists tightened. He was about to tell Arthur Pendragon, Mr. Golden Boy, what he really thought of him and his no good fancy ass hair—

Arthur turned on his heel and walked away. He just _walked_ away. They were in the middle of—they were in the middle of nothing. Merlin had to shake off the feeling that Arthur had left him hanging, before he could go back to walking to his class. Merlin flipped him off for good measure. The other students in the hall almost seemed disappointed that a fight hadn’t started, but they carried on their days anyways.

When Merlin made it to class, to his desk at the back of the room, he felt a slip of paper in his jacket pocket. He pulled it out, while making sure no one was looking, and unfolded it.

_“See? Pretending to hate isn’t hard._

_The old train tracks, south side_

_After school_

_I’ll be alone.”_

Merlin stuffed the note back into his pocket, crumbling it up. It was bound to be a trap. Merlin had just healed up after the last incident. But on the other hand, Arthur had been the one to help him last time, and he had talked to Merlin at his house afterwards. Everything Merlin had ever been taught was screaming at him that it was a bad idea. Arthur was a Soc. Socs were bad news. Never talk to a Soc, they’re only out for greasers’ blood. Meeting a Soc is betrayal to your own kind.

Merlin wouldn’t go, he would never even think about it.

He won’t.

It was a bad idea.

Damn it.

~

The old train station had been replaced over a decade ago, with a station in the North side of town. The South station had been left, like a rotting monument, which was perfect for vandalism and secret meetings. Almost all the windows were broken and there were several old freight cars which were off the tracks, sitting in the gravel.

Merlin was cautious, especially after the incident with the five Socs. He wasn’t going to trust a Soc after one act of kindness. It wasn’t that easy to earn his trust, but that act of kindness was enough to make Merlin check out the train tracks at the very least.

He, like a lot of other kids in town, had explored the train tracks when he was little. No one except some younger boys went to the train tracks anymore though, there were better places to loiter. The broken windows didn’t make it an ideal place nor did the mildew on the wooden train cars, but it was in the middle of town, neither East nor West, which made it neutral territory. Merlin admired Arthur’s choice of a meeting place.

Merlin didn’t want to walk into an old train yard and be caught by surprise, so he climbed up onto one of the cars to get a better view. He couldn’t see anyone nearby and there were no cars around either, except a red Bel Air a long ways down, between the edge of the woods and the street. So Arthur was here. Merlin’s eyes swept the yard until he finally saw Arthur, sitting under the overhang of the train station.

“Waiting for someone?” Merlin yelled. The Soc startled and got to his feet. It took him a moment but he finally saw the greaser on the top of the train car.

Merlin heard the Soc let out a short burst of laughter. It was so strange that it even made Merlin crack a grin. “What the hell are you doing up there?” Arthur yelled, walking over to the car.

Merlin sat on the edge of the car with his legs dangling off the side, looking down on Arthur. He lit a cigarette and blew smoke as he said, “Got a better view up here.”

Arthur cocked his head as he looked up at Merlin. “Are you going to come down?” he asked.

“Well,” Merlin said, rolling the smoke out of his lips “Depends on what this is. You know, my ribs just stopped hurting like a bitch only a week ago.”

Even from the top of the car Merlin could see Arthur wince. “There’s no one here but me.” he said, “And I’m not going to fight you.”

Merlin hummed. “See, why don’t I believe you?” Contrary to what he said, Merlin did trust Arthur, which was weird, but he still had to pretend to distrust Arthur, if only on principle.

“You know I can just climb up there, right?” Arthur said dryly.

Merlin laughed, “Good luck with that Golden Boy.” Merlin pulled out his comb and slicked back his hair as he said, “There isn’t a ladder.” See most train cars had a ladder on the side, but either this one never had one or it had been ripped off years ago because there wasn’t a trace of where a ladder might have been.

Merlin watched with amusement as Arthur walked around the car and discovered that Merlin was right. “How in the _hell_ did you get up there?” Arthur asked incredulously.

Merlin had perfected the art of getting places he shouldn’t, ages ago. He had had to jump fences, climb roofs, plus scramble over and under plenty of other things. The train car was a piece of cake in comparison to the other times he needed to get around an obstacle in the nick of time. The train car was easy for a greaser, for a Soc though? Probably much harder.

Merlin watched for a minute as Arthur cursed and circled the car, trying to figure out a way on top of it. He finally couldn’t take it anymore and got up from his seat to help the poor Soc. He went to the side of the car where he had got up, “See those two notches?” he pointed to the side of the car, “Lift yourself up, then use that hole as a handle.” Arthur studied the side of the car until he must have decided to trust Merlin’s plan and climbed onto the car.

“Great.” he said once he was in place. “Now what?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Climb, _idiot_. It’s like you’ve never had to get anywhere illegal. Come on.” Merlin flung his cigarette over the edge of the car, landing in the gravel.

Arthur might have said something which sounded like “Of course not, asshole.” but Merlin couldn’t hear.

Arthur was obviously a quick learner because he made it to the top of the car quickly, especially for someone who had never done it before. Merlin held out his hand to help Arthur up, which must have been a strange gesture. A greaser offering his hand to a Soc. It took the Soc a couple seconds to take the hand, but in the end he did and Merlin hefted him onto the top of the train car. Arthur’s breathing was heavier than usual, but he looked extremely proud of himself. He had a smug grin, even though Merlin had practically told him how to do it, step by step.

“Congratulations.” Merlin said dryly as Arthur dusted himself off.

“Well it would have been a lot easier if you just came down.” Arthur said.

Merlin paused, looking Arthur dead in the eye, and said “I’m not really sure how to get down.”

Arthur’s surprised and _terrified_ expression was the best thing Merlin had seen in a whole month, and he burst out laughing. He covered his mouth, trying to stop, but Arthur still looked shocked and it just made Merlin laugh more.

“Damn it! This isn’t funny.” Arthur cursed.

“Yes it is.” Merlin sniggered. “You’re face. You look so horrified. Fuck.” Merlin had to take a couple breaths and when he finally stopped laughing Arthur was looking at him with…awe.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a greaser laugh.”

That sobered Merlin’s mood quickly. He stuffed his hands back in his pocket, studying Arthur. Merlin thought that by the time he was face-to-face with Arthur he would have a better understanding of why they were both here, but he was still utterly confused. There was no reason for a Soc and a greaser to talk, and it was surprising one hadn’t punched the other yet.

“Alright” he coughed, “Why am I here?”

“I don’t know,” Arthur replied, “ _Why are you here?_ ”

“Don’t start that,” Merlin hissed, “I’m here because you fucking plowed me over in the hall today to stick this,” Merlin pulled out the note and waved it in Arthur’s face, “in my pocket. I’ve no clue why I’m here, so _start_ _explaining_.”

Arthur threw his hands up in the air and strode past Merlin, grumbling as he went. At the edge of the car, he sat down, putting his elbows on his knees, and his face in his hands. Merlin watched, but he did not move from where he had been standing.

“Maybe it’s a good sign that you showed up. I guess that proves I’m not going crazy.” Arthur said, lifting his head from his hands. Merlin shifted from one foot to the other. Arthur turned around and looked up at Merlin. “Do you hate me?”

Both ‘yes’ and ‘no’ were on the tips of Merlin’s tongue.  Of course Merlin didn’t hate Arthur. He had no reason to hate him. But then again, Merlin was a greaser and Arthur was a Soc. As a greaser Merlin hated all Socs especially Arthur. He had hated them ever since the first time he saw one of his friends beaten after a rumble. He hated them when they hurt Daegal. He hated them when they called him names and whispered rumors about him at school. He hated the way they looked at him. He hated Socs to his very core because it had been drilled into him since he had first started hanging with the greasers.

But Merlin didn’t hate Arthur. Arthur was just a person. He wasn’t a Soc, at least not in Merlin’s eyes anymore. When Arthur had stopped the punches that night, he stopped being an anonymous monster and when he came to Merlin’s house, he began to be a person. Just Arthur.

“Oh.” Merlin said, realizing Arthur’s point. How were they supposed to hate when they _knew_ each other? He sat down next to Arthur, not looking at him, but staring off in front of himself. This was never going to work. How was Arthur, King of the Socs, and Merlin, a leader of the Greasers, supposed to carry on their lives when they didn’t hate each other? They were enemies, yet neither of them could gather up enough hate to even start a verbal fight, let alone a physical one.

“This is bad.” Merlin said.

“Tell me about it.” Arthur sighed, “I’ve been going out of my mind. I’ve been praying you would do something that would make me hate you, but you’re just…I don’t know. _You_ , I guess. I don’t know who that is, so I’m assuming that greasers are just-”

“People?” Merlin finished. “Yeah. And I guess Socs are just people too.” Merlin rubbed his face. “Damn I need a drink.”

Arthur laughed. “Funny thing,” he said and out of the inner jacket of his letterman he pulled out a bottle of liquor.

Merlin stared at him in amazement.

“What?” Arthur said, “I figured I would need this no matter how this went.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and grabbed the bottle out of Arthur’s hand. He held it up like a toast, “To Socs” he said with a grin and took a swig.

Arthur grabbed it back. “To Greasers.” he said.

~

Arthur was surprisingly drunk for this early in the evening. It was five o’clock and there was no way he was going home to his father when he was this drunk. They had finished off the bottle a while ago but they were done drinking for now, they were drunk enough as it was, especially for a school day.

There hadn’t been much talking as they drank together, but there is a special bond that happens when you share a bottle of alcohol with someone, even in silence.

The silence, though, eventually moved to quiet conversation between the two boys.

“Tell me something.” Arthur slurred as he lay on his back on the top of the train car.

“Like what?” asked Merlin, playing with the zipper on his jacket.

“Hmm…Tell me somethin’ that I don’t know. I wanna see if I know somethin’ about you. I barely know you. We’ve gone to the same schools since we were born and I barely know you. Just one thing, an’ I’ll do the same.” Arthur hit his arm, “Com’n.”

“Ugh.” Merlin groaned. “I don’t know…I never knew my Dad. You probably already knew that. _That greaser, Merlin, he’s a bastard_ ” Merlin lowered his voice, like he was a disapproving citizen. “ _Mother had him out of wedlock._ _No father figure, just a hood because he_ gotno _dad._ ”

Arthur opened his eyes and lifted his chin just enough to look at Merlin. He dropped his head back down and watched the clouds pass above them. “I think I knew that…about your Dad. I just…I would never think that about you.”

“Yeah you would.” Merlin said grumpily.

“Yeah…you’re probably right.” Arthur sighed.

Arthur searched for something to say, moving his tongue around in his mouth. “My mom died when I was born. I never knew her either. Sometimes,” Arthur whispered, like he was telling a secret or something he shouldn’t be saying at all, “I think my dad wishes she lived and I died.”

Merlin studied Arthur, and realized that Arthur wasn’t kidding or making fun of Merlin. “That’s not true.” Merlin nudged Arthur’s leg, trying to make him feel better. Arthur shook his head.

“It’s not all roast dinners and happy families on the East side either you know.” Arthur grumbled.

Merlin huffed and lay down next to Arthur, watching the sky with him. “Will’s dad was a drunk and my mom took him in when we were seven. She would do stuff like that. Take in the lost animals, like Will.” Merlin chuckled a little, but it was soft and barely there. “She passed away when I was ten. Will and I had no place to go. We had to move in with some older boys in the neighborhood.”

Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin. “I didn’t know that.” he said a little stunned. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin nodded and swallowed. “Me too.”

A length of time passed in the silence.

“Tell me about that girl you were seeing.”

“Morgana?” Merlin asked. “You knew about that?”

“I’m a Soc, not an ostrich, I was paying attention.” Arthur answered back.

Merlin shrugged, even though it looked weird lying down. “She was alright. I just didn’t like her anymore.”

Arthur hummed.

“I think I was just seeing her because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. That’s what was supposed to make me happy, but it wasn’t, you know what I mean?”

Arthur nodded, “I think I may be the only person who gets that.”

“I think you’re right.”

They were the Soc and the greaser that didn’t hate each other. They were probably the only two people in this whole town that understood what it meant to do what people expected and hate every minute of it. It was all about appearances, they were beginning to understand that. They began to hate the town as they began to like each other.

“I was seeing this girl” Arthur made big gesture with his hands, which almost hit Merlin, “Sorry, hold on.” he cleared his throat. “And she wanted to get married and have children. The whole _sha-bang_. And I was so terrified, because that’s what my life is supposed to be. Get a girl, settle down, get a house, have babies, and bring home the bacon. And I really don’t want to do that, and _that’s shit_ because what am I supposed to do?”

Merlin laughed, “It sounds like Hell. Living in a house and doing the same thing every day.”

“Tell me about it.” Arthur said.

_Main Street USA._

_Home Town America._

“I’m not even supposed to do anything. I’ll be homeless, or live in a fucking shack. I’m supposed to die young. An’ if I live to be old I’m supposed to be a drunk or leave bastard children, like all the other no-good-greasers.”

_It’s a house, not a home._

_No Father comes home._

“I’m starting to hate this town.” Arthur stated after Merlin was silent.

“Yeah, well.” Merlin sighed, “Join the club.”

_Main Street USA._

_Home Town America._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from the Platter's song [The Great Pretender](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gBxeslnd0Y)  
> I'm really starting to like The Platters.
> 
> Please tell me if there are any typos, I'm a bit tired tonight after my Final.


	4. Only Fools Rush In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Train Stations are perfect places for secret meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Sho, who commented on a fic that I had given up on and relighted my passion for it. This is for you.

The abandoned train station at the South end of town was a great place for them to meet. Because of course they meet again. It was inevitable, now that they _knew_ each other. Actually knew each other, more than just a name or a title.  

Merlin didn’t tell Will where he disappeared to some afternoons and Will didn’t ask. Will still thought that Merlin was in a mood, and Merlin let him think that. Just like how he let everyone else think whatever they wanted about him.

Merlin was the happiest he had been in a long time, and that wasn’t good. No. Not at all. He shouldn’t have been happy to see Arthur Pendragon, his golden hair caught in the afternoon light and his letterman jacket over his shoulder. He shouldn’t have acknowledged Arthur’s presence, let alone spend time with him. Things Merlin should not have been doing included: looking at a Soc with anything other than anger, talking to a Soc unless it was an insult, and under no circumstance should he be spending time with Arthur Pendragon, The Golden Boy of the East Side. He had broken all of these unsaid rules, and he felt like he had betrayed his friends. He was befriending the enemy. Arthur had hurt enough greasers for Merlin to hate him until his dying breath. But how was Merlin any better? He wasn’t innocent either. He had been the first one to punch in the last rumble, and he had kicked enough Socs for Arthur to kill him on the spot (and have the police support the Golden Boy and Merlin’s death praised with a ‘good riddance’).

They didn’t meet every afternoon, but they still kept the constant eye contact in the hall at school. Merlin couldn’t help but look forward to the days when a note would appear for him. Apparently Merlin’s habit of taking long bathroom breaks during Math class (or ditching it entirely) had gone around the school. Everyone knew he went to the second story bathroom to smoke. (He didn’t always smoke though. Sometimes he read or sometimes he would just sit on the sink and count all the tiles on the wall. Usually he smoked if Will joined him. Smoking was something he did around others, but he didn’t have any real compulsion to do it when no one was around.) Somehow Arthur had managed to get a note between the window’s loose frame and the wall. He wondered how Arthur had thought Merlin would see the note at all. But that was just the thing, wasn’t it? They were risking their necks for something so small. The note was vague enough for no one to understand it if they found it. (Sometimes it was just one word. “ _Today?”_ it would read in Arthur’s neat cursive. Or maybe _“8 o’clock?”_ if Arthur had to meet later.) Merlin would take the note if the time was good and leave it, if he couldn’t meet. They hadn’t discussed this system, but they understood it perfectly.

There were bad days, days when Merlin hated everyone. Days when he wanted to punch every greaser and every teacher and every Soc, because they all thought something of him. He was a rebel. He was a troublemaker. He was a bastard. Those were the days when only Arthur would make him feel better, because only Arthur truly understood how it felt to put on a mask. All the other greasers (and the Socs, he suspected) thought that the mask was their real face. Arthur understood that his and Merlin’s masks were just that: expressions, clothes, and words that covered their true selves. He would stick a note in Arthur’s locker (unlike Merlin, he actually used his). Sometimes it read the same way Arthur’s notes would ( _“Today?”_ ). Other days they were sentences, since they were in the privacy of Arthur’s locker. ( _“Everyone’s an idiot. 5 o’clock?”_ or _“This Sunday at noon?”_ ). If Arthur could make it, he would stick the note in the bathroom on the second floor, if he couldn’t he would keep the note. They didn’t say anything to each other and they didn’t pass notes as Arthur had done the first time. It would be too risky to bump into each other too many times and not get into a fight. They avoided each other as they always did, except for the eye contact, the only thing that kept them sane.

The meetings started off easy enough. They would sit and talk. The first couple times Merlin or Arthur would bring alcohol and their tongues would loosen. After a while they didn’t need it. They explored the old train station, kicking out the rotten wood panels. Arthur had been so cautious about breaking the window at the train station so that they could get inside. Merlin had teased Arthur relentlessly because he had never snuck into restricted property before. It’s not the first time Merlin had defiled public property, but the old train station was abandoned and he didn’t even feel bad about the broken glass. He looked around and found a good sized rock. “Watch your eyes” he had said right before he threw the stone with all his might and smashed the window. He wiped the glass off his leather jacket that had sprayed onto him. Arthur was gaping at him, a yelp having escaped his mouth when the rock went flying. Merlin smirked at him and called him a goody-two shoes. Arthur gruffly denied it and to prove his point he used a branch to get rid of the rest of the glass and climbed through the window first.

The train station was empty except for some benches. The door to the office had been open and they searched around a while. Merlin flipped through the old papers in the filing cabinet and Arthur sat on top of the counter (looking like he was trying to prove a point by not sitting in the chair).

They hadn’t talked much at the beginnings of their meetings. It was as if they needed a good amount of time of being together before they were able to be comfortable. As each minute passed a little bit more of their masks faded away. They would explore the train station, climb on top of a boxcar, walk on the tracks, or hike in the woods next to the station. It was quiet for a long time, and then one of them would say something. Only after a couple weeks of meetings would they meet each other with easy smiles and greetings. With each meeting, taking off the mask was easier and easier to do. The mask never fully went away though. It wasn't possible to tear it away completely. To a certain extent the mask was a part of them. They had grown into the mask, and without it, neither of them would be entirely sure who they were.

But the more they saw each other: exchanged stories, talked about their days, told each other things they thought they wouldn’t tell anyone, the more Merlin and Arthur became dependent on each other. They were the only ones who were conscious of being in a mask, everyone else still in their dream worlds. They knew what it was like to be locked in their own clothes (a leather jacket and worn-through Chuck Taylors or a letterman's jacket and a button up shirt). They knew what it was like to have expectations, good or bad. Somehow, they had emerged from that dream where there were two sides of town and entered into a strange reality where there was just one town and they were just two boys. They took solace in each other’s company, knowing that they were the only ones awake while everyone else dreamed.

~

~

Arthur’s eyes were open to the cruelness of it all for the first time. He knew that the West Side wasn’t considered as nice as the East Side, but he never thought much about it. When he had ventured to Merlin’s house that one afternoon, Arthur had noticed that the West Side was definitely poorer. But there were people on the East Side who were just as poor, so what made the West Side any different? It was just a pair of railroad ties that separated them. Apparently, greasers were considered by some to be every bit as different. Had he always been this blind?

“Will and I got in this fight.” Merlin said as they walked on the deserted rails. He held out his arms for balance. “Just a normal fight. Some Socs were talking shit and we flew ‘em the bird.” Merlin was calm as he talked, focusing more on the rails than the story. Arthur was surprised at how clumsy Merlin was. He had always seen Merlin walk with such grace and apathy when they were in school, he would have never thought that the idiot would trip over his own feet or lose his balance after walking two feet on the rail. It was just another aspect of Merlin’s mask that Arthur had chipped away.

“The fight started. It didn’t get that out of hand, you know, we were just throwing punches to prove a point.” Merlin explained, jumping off the rail. Arthur might have noticed that the jump was a cover for losing his balance. “Then the cops showed up, pulled us apart. We were sent to the station.”

“I don’t remember anything like this happening.” Arthur said, trying to bring up a memory of one of his Socs getting pulled into the station for a mere fight.

"Of course you don't remember anything." Merlin laughed bitterly. "Socs got away with a slap on the wrists. Will and I were the ones who got locked up.”

Arthur had to bit his tongue to keep from shouting out his disbelief. His instinct should have been to tell Merlin ‘Damn, right you should have.’ But, of course, that’s not what he felt like saying at all. He felt completely disgusted with the police, as if it was his own fault.

Merlin continued, “ _They_ were the ones who started it. I protested and the cop slapped me so hard I got a bruise." Merlin rubbed his face as if he could feel it. "Already had a cut on my face from the fight, no one would think anything of another."

Arthur had always lived in a world where the cops were the good guys. They kept the people safe. "That's not right." He said, disgust filling his tone. "I can't believe someone would do that..."

"Come on Arthur." Merlin said with a roll of his eyes. "A month ago, would you have thought any differently?" He made his voice sound like a grumpy old man's " _Those hoods deserved it! Should've gave 'em more than just a smack._ "

Arthur snapped before he could catch himself, "I'm not talking about what I thought a month ago." Merlin raised a brow at him. He huffed and composed himself. "I'm talking about _now_ , Merlin. Now that I know...everything's different."

Merlin shrugged. "It’s still the same for me."

Arthur still didn't like it. His world was upside down. He couldn't tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys. Perhaps it wasn’t so black and white. No wonder the greasers had such a bad reputation, they couldn't even speak before they were judged and condemned.

~

~

Life on the East Side, as Merlin found out, wasn't all lollipops and gumdrops. Merlin had always had a certain picture in his mind when it came to the East Side. There would be a nice green lawn with a white picket fence, and painted houses. There would be a mom and dad, maybe a sibling or two. There would be a dog, probably a golden retriever. There would be a home cooked meal every night and he would do his homework afterwards. That was what Merlin pictured when he thought about the East Side, even after getting to know Arthur, he still thought that.

“It’s all white picketed fences over there.” Merlin had stated during one of their discussions.

Arthur laughed bitterly.  “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Merlin.”

“I don’t? Because last time I checked, you had it way better than me.”

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t know about better or worse.” Merlin grabbed Arthur’s hand as he climbed onto the boxcar. “But it definitely isn’t as perfect as you think it is.”

“Like what?” Merlin asked incredulously.

Arthur hummed as he sat with his legs hanging off the edge of the car, next to the greaser. The sun had come out after a cloudy day and they were soaking up the rays. Arthur had shrugged out of his letterman jacket as soon as he got to the train station. Merlin was currently using his leather jacket as a pillow as he lay with his knees bent and boots on the edge of the car.

Arthur was quiet for so long that Merlin had to open his eyes and look over at the Soc. After several weeks of talking to each other Merlin had begun to understand Arthur; his moods, his expressions, his thoughts and feelings. Arthur was brooding now, his lips in a tight line and his brow creased. Merlin knocked the Soc’s knee with his boot. “Come on. Out with it.” he said in a light tone, hoping Arthur would still tell him. Sometimes he was afraid that this thing (‘friendship’ might have been the word) was one-sided. If he said one thing about himself, they had mutually agreed under some unsaid rule that Arthur would answer with an opinion or experience of his own. Merlin had told Arthur about his life on the West Side. He talked about Julius Borden and Will. He told Arthur about his mom and (his lack of a) dad. Arthur had been quiet about his side though, and Merlin was still waiting.

“I don’t know how it is on your side of the tracks,” Arthur said with a sigh, “But when you come home, does the mask come off?” he asked.

Merlin thought about it. When he came home he could relax. He could talk with Will if he wanted to really vent about his feelings and he wouldn’t be teased (that much). He could be himself, but only to a certain extent. He couldn’t act like himself with all the greasers at home. He still didn’t tell Will how much he liked English class or Mr. Gaius. He didn’t show all his feelings to Will, and that’s why Will always thought Merlin was “in a mood.”

Merlin shrugged. “Kinda.”

“Well.” Arthur said, running his hands through his hair. “I can never take it off. In front of the Socs I have to be a leader, brave and strong all the time. In front of my friends I can relax a little, but even they don’t understand me all the time.” Merlin got the distinct feeling that Arthur had just said that Merlin understood him the best. Which in all fairness, Merlin had said that if anyone was to understand their predicament, it would be each other. “I can’t be myself around my dad.” Arthur smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. “He wants me to take the family business and he wants me to do well in school and be loved by everyone. _I have to be perfect_. He’s put the entire world on my shoulders and expects me to carry it like it’s nothing. I can’t screw up even once, or else I get yelled at and punished. It’s not just him either; it’s everyone in town and in school. Everyone expects the best from me all the time. ”

“The Golden Boy.” Merlin said without thinking. Arthur was looking at him. “That’s what we call you. Well…” Merlin tried not to blush. “What the greasers call you.” He didn’t want to admit that he called Arthur that nickname. Despite knowing Arthur, he still thought of him as ‘The Golden Boy.’ It fit him, despite everything, even if Arthur had flaws.

Arthur laughed, sounding a little annoyed. “Figures.”

 “Everyone expects you to be perfect and everyone expects me to be a screw up.” Merlin rolled his eyes, “We’re just a pair, aren’t we?”

Arthur lay down, bending his knees, matching Merlin’s position. “Yeah. The Greaser and The Soc.”

Tension filled the moment. They were enemies, they couldn’t forget that. But it was too easy to forget that when they were just Merlin and Arthur, not The Greaser and The Soc. If they weren’t careful they would forget their masks entirely and someone would find out.

“What do you think they’d do if they found out?” Merlin asked quietly, watching the clouds roll by. Arthur didn’t ask who ‘they’ was.

“Don’t know.” Arthur answered back.

The silence was filled with their thoughts. They would both be labeled as traitors by their own kind. The greasers would hate Merlin and someone would probably punch him. Would Will be angry? Of course he would be. He would think Merlin had lost his marbles. Maybe he had, but he felt saner than before he befriended Arthur. Merlin would never hear the end of it from the adults. Teachers would sneer and who knew what the cops would do if Merlin ever got into any trouble. Arthur would be reprimanded. He would be seen as the boy who had had so much potential and then everything went downhill when that no-good greaser started talking to him. His father would probably be angry. Arthur might even be shunned by his own friends. Thoughts of being shunned from both sides of the tracks frightened Merlin more than he wanted to admit.

~

They say that April showers bring May flowers. Perhaps that’s what happened in April and May of that year, if one was to get poetic about it. Merlin’s mind went to Chaucer, thinking about the books Mr. Gaius had given him to read (in secret, of course). Perhaps spring was a time for new beginnings, of all sorts.

Merlin hadn’t been keeping track of the time he spent with Arthur. All he knew was that they were seeing each other more and more often. Merlin’s day almost felt incomplete without a stop at the train station. He had gotten used to laughing and teasing with Arthur, something he would have never seen from a Soc, especially not the Golden Boy. Merlin was comfortable in Arthur’s company, to the point where Arthur seemed like his best friend. Will was still Merlin’s ‘brother’ and his closest and oldest friend, but Arthur Pendragon had definitely changed completely in Merlin’s eyes. Arthur wasn’t just Merlin’s friend, blasphemy in the eyes of both Socs and greasers, but his best friend. They pushed at each other’s shoulders without the intention of actually hurting the other and they teased without the intention to insult. Having a friend like Arthur had never felt so natural.

Maybe he should have been frightened about how close he had become to Arthur. That might have tipped him off. Maybe he should have seen it coming. Maybe he had seen it coming and let it happen anyway.

Either way, spring was full of new beginnings, whether Merlin saw them coming or not, and April showers definitely brought May flowers.

~

There was one week in the middle of April when Arthur didn’t talk to Merlin at all. By Friday, Merlin had left a note in his locker. ‘ _I’ll bring you a soda pop._ ’ it had read. Arthur could almost hear Merlin's voice teasing him and trying to coax him out at the same time. Despite not having seen Merlin since last Thursday, the greaser had still noticed Arthur’s odd mood, especially since Arthur was obviously avoiding Merlin. The week before they had met every day, except for Friday and the weekend. Arthur was usually the one to initiate the meetings, but even when Merlin left a note, Arthur didn’t have the courage that week to stick it in the bathroom window. By Monday of the following week Merlin was staring bullets into Arthur when they walked by in the hallway. It was expected behavior for a greaser and a Soc, but Arthur couldn't help but feel like he deserved it. Monday, a note appeared in his locker: ' _I'll be there. Show up if you want._ ' It made Arthur cringe. He shouldn't have cut off contact with Merlin so abruptly, but he hadn't known what to do. Merlin was obviously hurt and annoyed, not to mention he was probably scared something had happened. He felt guilty for worrying Merlin. But when he thought of going to the train station and seeing Merlin, it left his stomach in knots and his head spinning.

The last time that Arthur talked to Merlin it was a Thursday, ten days ago.

"I'll see you later, Arthur." Merlin had said with a laugh as he walked out of the train station.

Arthur had grabbed Merlin's shoulders and pulled him along. It was a familiar gesture and Merlin had let him do it. "See ya." Arthur yelled as he pushed Merlin's shoulder and they had gone their separate ways. Arthur hadn’t noticed until that night, when he woke up at three in the morning, how _familiar_ he was with Merlin. Arthur wasn't one for physical affection, since it wasn't something he grew up with. He would slap a friend's shoulder or shake hands, but nothing much.

He had gone to sleep that night after a quiet dinner with his father and doing his homework. He had thought of Merlin as he finished his essay for Mr. Gaius' class, and he had thought of Merlin as he washed his hair, getting the grease out of it. He hadn’t notice how much Merlin had influenced his life, but that night it became strikingly clear.

He had lain awake that night, after waking up from a dream (or maybe it had been a nightmare). He thought about Merlin and how much time and energy he had been putting into seeing the greaser and he wondered if the dream was because of that or if _this_ had always been there all along.

The dream had been unusual even from the beginning. He had been kissing Vivian, something he hadn't dreamt about since the beginning of their relationship, over a year ago. Even while they were going steady he hadn't dreamt of her. The kissing was nice and Arthur felt warm and content in the dream, something he didn't usually associate with Vivian. Maybe that should have been his first clue. The second clue should have been the smell of the dust and gravel from the train station. When he pulled away he was looking at Merlin and his chest was pressed to a firm one instead of pressed to a pair of breasts. Pomade smeared his hands like blood and he realized his hands had been in Merlin's hair. Merlin's lips were bright red and Arthur hadn't noticed how full they were before that moment (but that wasn't true was it? He must have looked at Merlin's lips before, because he was dreaming about them.) Merlin's fingers skimmed Arthur cheek and he was shocked when he leaned into the touch. " _Golden Boy._ "

Arthur had gasped out of his dream, grabbing the sheets to steady himself. He turned on the lamp on his bedside table, and he knocked over a glass of water. He had cursed profusely and picked up the glass. He looked at the clock. Three in the morning. When he went to get a towel to clean up the spilt water he noticed he was hard. His heart raced and his stomach was in knots. He had been panicking but his erection still hadn’t gone away. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom he had cleaned up the water, hoping it would go away with time. He had lain in bed and had tried willing it away with no effect. He thought of everything and anything that would make it go away, even reverting to doing math in his head. He had eventually given up because he was never going to fall asleep if he hadn’t. He pulled down his shorts and gripped his cock. The kiss had been Vivian, he knew that for certain because his lips only knew how it was to kiss Vivian. He tried to focus on that, even if he hated Vivian. But he couldn't help it when his mind drifted to Merlin. He tried for too long to not think of Merlin, which led him to think of Merlin. He gave up again. He thought if he was going to do this, he might as well not deny why he was hard in the first place. He pulled on his cock lightly, thinking of Merlin's fingers, surprised when he recalled what they looked like and how they felt from when they pulled Arthur up onto the boxcar. He held himself harder and thought of Merlin's lips on his, moving faster, wondering how those full lips would take his, soft and gentle or harsh and fast. How Merlin's face would feel in his hands and how his chest would feel pressed to Arthur broad one.

That night he had been harder than any other time with Vivian, which would have been concerning if Arthur had been thinking. But he hadn’t been thinking. He had been panting and trying to hold his breath to keep from sounding too desperate to his own ears. He flicked his thumb over the head of his cock, smearing pre-cum down. He wondered what Merlin looked like, his pale chest and narrow hips. He wondered what he looked like when he was aroused and how Merlin touched himself. Arthur had been surprised by his own orgasm, striking him like lightning. He had been so shocked by it that it took him a while to get up and clean himself off.

When he got back in bed, he thought of what he had done and instantly regretted it. He groaned in aggravation " _Fuck_." How was he supposed to look at Merlin again after that? Had it just been his mind wandering off or had it really been _Merlin_ that had turned him on? He couldn't lie to himself, the thought of Merlin had pushed him over the edge, and there was no denying it. Arthur felt ashamed and shocked. He had never felt that way about a boy before. He had never even considered it until that night. He covered his face in shame, and willing away all his immoral thoughts. Wasn't it bad enough that he befriended Merlin Emerson? Now he was dreaming about him. Was this normal? Had this happened to other boys before?

He had thought that if he spent less time with Merlin it would go away. Maybe it had been too long since he had liked a girl. Hell, he avoided girls most of the time, especially after Vivian. He just needed space, that's all.

So he had avoided Merlin for over a week. Merlin was angry with him. Arthur didn’t need to have it spelled out to know that. The note in his locker had been enough for him to figure that out.

“ _I’ll be there. Show up if you want_.” The note taunted him from inside his pocket. Of course Arthur _wanted_ to, that was the whole problem. What was worse was that Merlin was going to the train station and he was going to sit there like the stubborn idiot that he was and _wait_ for Arthur.

Arthur spent an entire hour after school, trying (and failing) to not think about Merlin. He hung out with Leon and Lance, but they could barely hold his attention. He wondered if they noticed something was wrong with him, but his mind wouldn’t focus for longer than a minute or two before it went back to Merlin. He never noticed how dependent he had become on the greaser and his advice before that week of avoidance. He had gone to Merlin to ask advice on everything; school, friends, and _life_ , for Christ’s sake. Merlin had become his best friend and the only person to whom he could tell his thoughts and fears. Now he had pushed him away, and Arthur had no idea how he had lived without him. He couldn’t even tell if his friends were annoyed with his distance or not, but that might have been his preoccupation at the moment.

“You alright, man?” Leon asked, grabbing Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur jumped unexpectedly. Leon and Lance were looking at him oddly.

“Got a lot on my plate, that’s all.” He lied easily, “I probably need to start on that homework for Caerleon’s class.” He didn’t, but he knew that was a class neither Leon nor Lance had.

“Alright…” Lance said, eyeing him like he was making sure Arthur didn’t look sick. Lance would worry about Arthur, he was just that nice. Arthur felt terrible for lying to him.

Arthur left his friends and drove in the direction of his house. When he was a couple blocks down, he turned and headed toward the abandoned train station.

~

When he showed up his heart was racing. The sky was gray, the sun never having come out that day. It occurred to him on the drive over that Merlin might have left the train station by now, or had never come at all. He jogged to the train station. He didn’t call out Merlin’s name, afraid someone might be there and ask him why he was looking for a greaser. (Even that made Arthur feel guilty, because he didn’t want to hide that he knew Merlin. But of course, both of them couldn’t tell anyone they were friends. He needed to get a grip.)

“Look who showed up.” Merlin said. Arthur whipped around and saw the greaser sitting on top of the boxcar, just like he had been when they first met. He took a drag from a cigarette, rolling his head back and blowing out the smoke. Merlin never smoked when he was with Arthur. He had told Arthur that it was something he only did when he was around the greasers, a kind of rebellion and a way to relax when they felt nervous. He did it to fit in, another part of his mask. Merlin was wearing his mask right now. He wasn’t smiling, he was far away from Arthur and he wasn’t talking. Arthur realized that Merlin was way beyond concerned or angry.

Arthur’s gut was in knots.

“Hey.” Arthur swallowed. “Sorry I’m late, I just-”

“Cut the bullshit, Pendragon.” Merlin said icily. It cut Arthur deeper than he expected, especially the use of his last name. “You know, a note would’ve done.” He flicked the cigarette, ash falling to the gravel. “Just a note in the window,” He made a mocking voice, “ _Nice to hear your sob story, I'll just tell the Socs how easy it was to mess with you. Go back to the West Side,_ greaser bastard _. Probably beat you to a pulp if you talk to me again. Signed Arthur._ ”

Arthur gaped up at the greaser, stunned. “That isn’t true.” He said.

Merlin stood up, sticking the cigarette between his lips and brushing off his pants. “Look I get it, don’t worry about it.”

Arthur bristled. “Don’t be an ass, Merlin.”

“Really?” Merlin cocked his head to the side, “ _I’m_ the ass?”

“Look, we didn’t meet for a week,” Arthur snapped back, “So what? What’s your deal?”

“ _So_ _what_?” Merlin gritted out. He threw the cigarette to the ground. He climbed down the boxcar, jumping to the gravel, and strode over to Arthur. He stuck out a finger threateningly at Arthur, and Arthur couldn’t help but step back. “I thought someone had found out and you were in trouble. I don’t know, some kid blackmailing you or something.” he waved his hand vaguely. “I thought you were mad at me and how the hell was I supposed to know what was wrong when you won’t fucking show up?” He jabbed his finger onto Arthur’s chest, getting into his personal space. Arthur would have been more concerned with being this close to Merlin for another reason but he was more concerned that Merlin might punch him. “I thought it had all been some kind of cruel joke. You gonna bring the Socs over and beat me now? I’m all healed up from last time you saved my ass.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Arthur gaped at him. The idea had never even crossed his mind. Since the beginning of their friendship he never wanted to hurt Merlin in anyway. He had believed that Merlin and he were good friends. He had thought Merlin had been worried about Arthur, he hadn’t thought that Merlin was afraid that Arthur intended to hurt him.

“How would I have known that?” Merlin said.

“Because you’re my best friend.” Arthur replied automatically.

Merlin’s eyes widened, his lips open to say something, but closing them instead. He studied Arthur. He felt exposed under such scrutiny but he hoped he looked sincere. Merlin was so close to him and he was beginning to notice how much he had longed to see him again. He had missed Merlin in the ten days he had avoided him. If anything, absence made his heart grow fonder. His plan backfired spectacularly.

He must have been content with Arthur’s answer. “Then what the hell happened?” Merlin asked.

Arthur rubbed his neck and felt the blush creep into his cheeks. He ignored it though and he was surprised when it actually went away. “Nothing.” He shrugged. “I just had a lot on my plate, that’s all.” He used the same excuse he had with Leon and Lance. Apparently the guilt was double sided now. “Look I have an exam to study for,” he said taking a step away from Merlin and towards his car. “I just wanted to tell you I’m not mad or anything - ”

Merlin huffed, his eyes fiercely angry, and gave Arthur’s chest a push. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" Arthur stumbled back. Merlin, unlike Leon or Lance, would not stand for any bullshit Arthur threw at him. He should have known that.

“No, I’m serious.” Arthur said, looking away from Merlin, and knowing as soon as he did that Merlin would know he was lying. It was his tell.

Merlin grabbed Arthur's jacket and pulling him so that they were face to face. Arthur panicked, Merlin was too close. Their chests were almost touching.

"Get off me!" Arthur shouted, tearing Merlin’s hands off him.

"What the fuck!" Merlin shouted, pushing Arthur's chest again, making him step back. Merlin had never pushed him like that before, like he wanted to fight him. Arthur's blood ran cold and his heart was in his throat. Merlin didn't notice Arthur’s fear though.

"Look I get it, if you don't want to talk to me anymore. But you don’t have to be a dickhead about it." Merlin spat at his acidly.

"No wait." Arthur held up his hands in surrender. Merlin didn’t move, his eyes hard and cold on Arthur. Merlin stared at him for a long time, his fists at his sides like he was restraining them from taking a swing at Arthur’s jaw, and his lips in a tight line.

Eventually, Merlin’s fists loosened and his shoulders relaxed. He growled as he pushed back his hair with his hand, not even caring to grab his comb. He sighed when he looked at Arthur again. “Look, Arthur.” He began, softer this time, “You’re my friend too. My best friend.” he emphasized, “Someone I can tell things to. Things I can’t tell the boys or Will.” Arthur realized that Merlin’s anger had been a reaction to feeling insecure, afraid that Arthur had hurt him. It must have been something he had learned from living in this world of greasers and Socs. Arthur probably would have reacted the same way.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur said, knowing it’s what needed to be said but not knowing exactly what he was apologizing for. “If we spend too much time together then someone is bound to notice.”

Merlin bit his lip, distracting Arthur for a moment. “You’re not mad at me?” he said, bringing Arthur back to reality.

“No!” Arthur said sincerely, stepping forward.

“Alright.” Merlin nodded. Arthur noticed that they were too close, but if he backed away now it would look like he was lying about not being mad at Merlin. “Maybe we need to work on a better communication system…” Merlin said.

“Maybe.” Arthur agreed. He didn’t want to bring up that maybe they shouldn’t be talking at all, but that obviously had gone out the window _weeks_ ago.

“Come on.” Merlin said, grabbing Arthur’s arm. “Let’s go.” He pulled them toward the train station.

Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arm and stopped him. Merlin turned on his heel, bumping into Arthur. “I just- ” Arthur didn’t want Merlin to think that he had been lying to him when he said that he wanted to spend time with him, but if he was to be honest with himself (which he had been trying not to be for over a week) he was wary about being too close to the greaser; afraid of his own reactions.

Merlin’s brows were pinched as he looked at Arthur. They were much closer than Arthur had ever intended them to get. Memories came flooding back and he couldn’t help but notice how Merlin was just a little bit taller than him and how he could feel his breath on his cheek. He needed to leave, but couldn’t. He had just gotten there and Merlin was still somewhat angry with him.

“What?” Merlin asked.

Arthur watched Merlin’s face flicker between worry and an indifferent mask. He looked to Merlin’s lips then back to his eyes, cursing himself a thousand times because that was exactly the kind of looking he had wanted to avoid. Merlin’s eyes darted to where Arthur’s hand was still on his shoulder. Arthur jerked back, pulling away from Merlin completely. He looked over to tracks, a safe place to look.

 “Maybe it would be better if we hang another time…” He didn’t back away just yet, not wanting to look like he was fleeing.

“Yeah…” Merlin agreed, which surprised Arthur. Merlin was watching Arthur like he might spook with any quick movement, which in all honesty wasn’t that far off. “”

“It’s getting cold anyways.” Arthur suggested, looking up to the storm clouds which were rolling in.

“Right.” Merlin nodded.

Arthur backed away, “I’ll see you later” he said, still looking at Merlin. “Promise.”  He turned on his heel and jogged to his car, leaving Merlin to watch him leave.

~

Merlin had been out of his skull with anxiety the week Arthur hadn’t talked to him. He made up so many excuses and stories that might have happened, so many that he couldn’t keep them all straight. By the time Monday had rolled around Merlin wasn’t just worried and anxious, he was _pissed_. Arthur was being a completely dickhead, ignoring Merlin like he was nothing. And it didn’t help that Arthur’s avoidance had brought out every insecurity Merlin had ever had when it came to Arthur. He thought Arthur had bored of his company, had gotten angry at him, or had never liked Merlin in the first place. Over ten days, all his imaginings added up until he was so insecure that he had to lash out the only way he knew how: being a greaser. He yelled at Arthur and said things that were probably too mean to be said to someone that he considered his best friend. Something was wrong with Arthur, and it wasn’t any of Merlin’s business except that he felt like it was. Arthur had said it himself, he had admitted that they weren’t just friends, but best friends. So if Arthur was worried about something, Merlin wanted to help. He had helped before when Arthur had gotten into a mood, what was different now?

By the time their fight had cooled down, Merlin was tipped off to what might have been Arthur’s problem. The question was though, had Arthur almost kissed him or not? It had shocked Merlin enough for him to agree to part ways, even after arguing about meeting up in the first place. They had been standing so close and Arthur’s hand had been tight on his shoulder. There was no denying that Arthur had looked to Merlin’s lips, even if it was only for a moment. Arthur’s flight from the train station was enough to confirm it, especially after a week of avoidance. Had Arthur been avoiding him because he... _what_? Liked him? Was attracted to him? If so, Arthur was obviously scared out of his mind, running like that. Merlin knew Arthur thought he had to carry world on his shoulder and he knew Arthur thought he could never mess up. Not even once. Any deviant behavior would scare Arthur, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Hanging with Merlin was enough of a risk as it was.

Disgust did cross his mind at one point. Except, the thoughts that crossed his mind were that he _should_ have been disgusted. Instead his mouth turned dry, his heart raced, and blood flushed his cheeks and ears. It wasn’t the first time he had thought about… He had known about the rumors that had swirled about Cary Grant and even James Dean. He knew what _it_ meant and _its_ implications. One of the plays Mr. Gaius had given him to read (in secret, of course) had been by Oscar Wilde. Merlin had read about the Irish playwright: the trials, the social disdain, and eventual imprisonment. The thought frightened him to the point where he wanted to be sick. But he wasn’t scared for the right reasons. He wasn’t scared for unjust accusations, he was scared because he liked the idea of Arthur…

But Arthur had only glanced at Merlin, which was hardly enough confirmation for Merlin to assume that he… Merlin shouldn’t think that way. Enough was wrong with their secret friendship, they didn’t need _that_ too. Merlin’s imagination would run away with him, if he thought about it anymore. It was wrong, he told himself. Arthur would be disgusted that Merlin had even thought about it, he repeated over and over again. Stop thinking about it, he commanded.

He went home and took a long and blazing shower, using up all the hot water. His skin was freezing from the cold day but his chest was on fire.

~

__

_~_

_“Today?”_

If it were possible for a single word on a piece of paper to sound so uncertain and cautious, that would be how Merlin would describe Arthur’s note. It wasn’t any different from any other note, but it had been the first since their odd fight. Merlin thought about putting it back in the window, pretend he never saw it, but he didn’t. He stuffed the note in his jean pocket and sat on the sink, reading a book from Mr. Gaius. He couldn’t focus on more than one sentence, which he read over and over again. His mind went to Arthur, Oscar Wilde, Mr. Gaius, and the greasers. Sometimes he wished he could ask more questions in his classes without the distain from his teachers or stares from the other students. Merlin was eager to learn, and only Mr. Gaius had cared enough to see that Merlin was intelligent and respectful (when he was respected in turn). Mr. Gaius was one of the few people who understood that Merlin was a greaser, but that didn’t mean he was stupid or insolent. If there was a choice on the stereotype he would be born into, Merlin probably would have chosen nerd. He didn’t like the idea of being beat up, but he wished he could show how much he cared about learning. Maybe he would be a nerd and fight off the bullies. Was it possible to be a nerd and a greaser? Merlin didn’t think so.

Merlin shut his book, still on the same page he started on, and headed back to math class. Steadily Merlin had been having shorter and shorter bathroom breaks from math class. He wondered if the teacher even noticed he was gone, or if he cared when he was there.

After school let out, it was raining like it wouldn’t stop for forty days and forty nights. Kids scrambled to get into cars or they huddled under the overhang of the school. Merlin had no choice but to head to the train station in the wet and cold weather. He had taken the note from the window and he wasn’t going to ditch Arthur.

When he finally made it to the train station Arthur’s Bel Air was already there, looking annoyingly dry on the inside. Merlin rushed into the station, wiping water out of his eyes as he went.

“Fuck” he greeted the room as he shook more water off his jacket. He heard Arthur’s laugh, and turned to see the Soc laying on one of the benches. He didn’t look hardly as drenched as Merlin, having driven his car to the station. “Laugh all you want, dickhead.” Merlin warned.

Arthur sat up and held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry.” He was smiling too wide to be truly apologetic.

“I’m going to get a cold if this weather keeps up.” Merlin grumbled as he took off his jacket and tried to dry himself off as much as possible.

“It’s just rain.” Arthur said.

Merlin made a face at him, which Arthur laughed at. Despite their odd behavior the week before, they had fallen back into their easy friendship. Merlin knew that everything he had thought about after their fight had only been in his head. It was one thing to know he had only imagined it, but it was another thing to know he liked the idea far too much.

“You could have picked a better day to meet.” Merlin said.

“Yes,” Arthur said with a roll of his eyes, “Because I can predict the weather. It was only cloudy this morning.”

Merlin slipped his jacket back on, still throwing fake-annoyed grumbles at Arthur. He pulled out his comb and realized his hair was a mess. The rain had plastered it to his forehead, washing away every bit of pomade he had put in it. “Damn it.” He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you without your hair all…” Arthur made a vague gesture to his hair and pointed.

Merlin rolled his eyes. He didn’t like not having his hair unstyled in front of Arthur. He felt exposed. They had talked about masks, and they had talked about upholding expectations for a town that either hated or loved them. Pomade had been the thing that distinguished Merlin as a greaser.  With the pomade washed away from his hair, he felt naked and unmasked before Arthur. In the same way, Arthur’s hair, usually neat and perfectly styled, was now wet and unkempt. It wiped Arthur’s mask away entirely.

“Jesus, Merlin.” Arthur said as he stood up and walked toward the greaser. Merlin braced himself, as if Arthur were a storm to be weathered. “How long is your hair?”

Merlin touched his hair. When it wasn’t up, his hair curled over his ears and it easily fell in his eyes, especially when wet. It was definitely longer than the goody-two shoes boys’ hair, but it was about average for a greaser’s. Merlin narrowed his eyes as Arthur studied his hair, “It’s not that long, Golden Boy.” He wasn’t sure why he used the nickname, it coming out before he knew it. Merlin realized Arthur might get offended, the nickname representing everything that Arthur hated about his image, but he didn’t react badly.

Arthur snorted out a short laugh. “You need a haircut, _Mer_ lin.” He reached forward and ran his fingers into the hair on the side of Merlin’s head. “Look at that, this is ridiculous.” Merlin wasn’t paying attention to his hair. Being Arthur’s friend had always felt natural, their friendly pushes and kindly teases. After their initial uneasiness, nothing felt as comfortable as being by Arthur’s side. Maybe this was the problem all along. Arthur’s fingers skimmed his scalp, grazing his temple and ear. Merlin must not have covered his surprise well, or Arthur could see through all his masks at this point, because he froze. They stood face to face, Arthur’s hand still in Merlin’s hair and Merlin’s hands firmly at his sides.

Arthur’s mouth hung open slightly, until he snapped his jaw shut. Merlin didn’t move, afraid that Arthur might flee if he stirred. Half of his body was screaming to playfully slap Arthur’s hand away and laugh it off, but the other half of his body was screaming for Arthur to be even closer.

The hand in his hair tightened and Arthur shifted closer, almost in response to Merlin’s thoughts. Their eyes were locked, but they broke away for a moment and Arthur’s eyes went directly to Merlin’s. Heat surged in Merlin’s chest, questioning if maybe he hadn’t imagined _it_. Without a thought Merlin’s eyes traveled to Arthur’s lips and wondered what it would be like to…Merlin looked back up to Arthur’s eyes, which had seen him stare at Arthur’s lips. They had been too close together at this point, there was no denying something was more than a glance or a thought. Arthur’s eyes were on Merlin’s but they were far away too. Arthur’s other hand grabbed the front of Merlin’s jacket and he surged forward. Their lips clashed rather violently. Their foreheads knocked and their noses bumped. Both their lips were unmoving. Arthur’s lips were chapped, as they always were, and they felt rough against Merlin’s. For all of two seconds, Merlin was still before he grabbed Arthur’s collar and yanked their bodies apart. Merlin was fully prepared to punch Arthur, thinking that was the right response. He saw Arthur brace himself in anticipation, but the Soc didn’t look like he was going to dodge any hit. Arthur opened his eyes warily, having closed them when he attacked Merlin so odiously. His eyes widened with fear and an innocence Merlin hadn’t seen in Arthur’s before. Merlin’s fists clenched tighter on Arthur’s collar. Merlin’s eyes shifted uneasily and he felt his own hands shake. He was about to panic, he felt it swell in the pit of his stomach.

“Do us both a favor.” Arthur choked out, swallowing nervously. “And don’t think about it.”

Arthur’s eyes were dark with worry but they were also full of hope. Merlin’s lips were drawn into a thin line and his muscles were taught and shaking, but he didn’t protest. This time, using his grip on Arthur’s coat, he pulled him close. Their noses brushed and they inhaled each other’s breathes for a single second before Merlin let Arthur lean in the rest of the way. Arthur’s lips were still dry but this time Merlin’s lips were pliant against his, letting the roughness shift into a gentle press. Arthur caught Merlin’s upper lip with his own, their noses brushing. With a shift of his weight, Merlin changed his stance so that he leaned more into Arthur’s space, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath damp clothes. Arthur grabbed Merlin’s waist, causing a surprised noise to escape Merlin’s throat. In response a noise came from Arthur’s mouth, but it was lost as Merlin’s lips caught it. The kiss was slow, as if they were figuring out to kiss for the first time. Both of them weren’t new to kissing, or even anything else, but nothing like this had ever happened to either of them before. Merlin’s hands left Arthur’s collar to curl around his neck, pressing their chests together, Arthur’s arms circling his torso. It was an affectionate position, one that made Merlin’s heart fly and his stomach tie into knots at the same time.

They kissed until it felt like they were drowning. They kissed until it felt like the most natural thing to do. They kissed until they ached and their hearts threatened to pound out of their chests. Pulling apart, they held onto each other’s jackets for dear life, staring into each other’s blue eyes and panting against each other’s cheeks.  They didn’t speak. It was obvious enough what both of them wanted without words to define it, and exceedingly obvious that they couldn’t speak of it.

Merlin let out a soft noise, something between a sigh and a groan of exasperation. He pressed his face against Arthur’s cheek, running his lips along his jaw. Arthur let out a sad huff of laughter, that sounded more like a choked off sob. Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and buried his face in the greaser’s neck. In the middle of the abandoned train station, they held onto each other as the storm continued outside of their little oasis.

~

April showers left the sky gray and made one’s soul ache for the sun. Despite the dreariness, they were altogether necessary. They washed away winter and watered the seeds. Without April showers, May would lack its flowers and Spring would lack its dawn of new life. So, that year, April showers brought May flowers and new beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the Elvis Presley Song ["I Can't Help Falling In Love with You"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnhamPnvXuQ)
> 
> Wise men say: 'Only fools rush in'  
> But I can't help falling in love with you  
> Shall I say  
> Would it be a sin  
> If I can't help falling in love in with you


	5. In the Still of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In the still of the night, I held you, held you tight, because I love you, love you so. Promise I'll never let you go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Posts and hopes no one noticed that I updated three days late*
> 
> Possible Warnings and Triggers: Internalized Homophobia

Merlin was born in December of 1945. His mom had told him the truth about his father,even if she didn’t tell him everything. When he had asked about his Dad, he had only been eight or nine years old, he didn’t need the details. (Did he have a Dad? Other kids have Dads, mom.) Hunith had told her son that his Dad had died in the war before he was born. Years later, after Hunith’s death, Merlin would do the math himself. His mom had been a nurse during the war, unmarried and free to volunteer for her country. She must have met a soldier during the last months of the war (maybe in March or April). Nine months later, the war was over, and Hunith was still unmarried, but now with a baby boy. And the soldier, whoever he had been, was dead only a month or so before armistice. Merlin liked to think that his mother wasn’t the type to have a one-time fling with a man, that his father had been someone Hunith had fallen in love with and had eventually planned to marry. But Merlin would never know, not now, when both his parents were dead.

When Merlin was six, Will moved in with him and his mom. Will’s dad had past away, apparently drowning in the gutter from the drink. It wasn’t uncommon on the poor side of town, and Merlin was only starting to get a sense of the real world at the young age of six. Will hadn’t seem that torn up about it. He said that his dad slapped him whenever there wasn’t something to drink, and that he liked Merlin’s mom better. That was that. Merlin had been happy to have his best friend live with him, the gravity of the situation not apparent to his six-year-old mind. Hunith hadn’t made a lot of money when it was just to two of them, but she was more than happy to take in Will. When she died, hit by a car while walking home from a nightshift at the hospital, Will took it as hard as Merlin did. Merlin was grateful just to have Will, two orphans at the age of ten. That’s when Julius Borden had taken them in and they officially became greasers. Borden was a high-school drop out who worked at a local auto shop. He and a couple other greasers, some high schoolers and others dropouts, lived in a house in the neighborhood. Borden made sure they went to school, didn’t get into too much trouble, and did their share of work around the house. He was a good guy, maybe a little rude and greedy at times, but he had given Merlin and Will a home when they needed it. By the time high school came around, Merlin and Will were greasers. They were a part of a family that was built on common struggles and years of friendship. Only a few years later, Merlin would be on the top of the food-chain, so to speak. He had earned the respect of the other greasers. He was cool headed and smart in more ways than one and he wasn’t bad when it came to a fight either. He spoke up for his friends, defending them against anyone who said badly of them, including bad-mouthing or punching Socs, which earned him double points in the eyes of many greasers.

In a way, the mask that Merlin wore was put on. In the morning he would pull on a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt, a leather jacket and comb back his hair with too much grease. But in other ways, the mask was a part of him. He had grown up as a greaser and he had shaped himself and his ideals around what the greasers thought. He could remove being a greaser as well as he could change his height or the color of his eyes. But there was no denying the parts of his mask that was put on. He always had to cover himself in one way or another. Emotions were not an option unless they were any shade of anger. He had to be cool or else he’d be mocked for it. He had to fight and be tough, even if he didn’t want to. Merlin gained no pleasure from punching someone. It was something he _had_ to do: to prove himself and to defend himself and his “family.” His love of school was forbidden, and he was forced to hid it, lest he be harassed by not only his friends, but Socs as well. The mask was something he put on, but it was also sculpted into his skin.

~

Arthur had been born in May 1946 (about five months after Merlin). Uther had returned from the war and married his high school sweetheart, Igraine. She had died during a complication in Arthur’s birth, leaving Uther to raise a baby boy all on his own. It hadn’t been easy for Uther, but he had hired several women to help him raise Arthur. He had wanted to remarry, in order to give Arthur a proper childhood with a mother and father, but Uther had never had the heart to find another woman.

For many years Arthur was alone. Sure, he had his father and the nannies that took care of him, but there had been something lacking. His father was distant at the best of times. He wasn’t the best man with children. He patted Arthur on the head when the little boy ran up to him, excited about something he had done at school or accomplished on the playground. It wasn’t the exact response that Arthur had wanted, but he got used to the approval or disapproval system that Uther set up. Arthur would come home and tell Uther something (if he was in the mood to hear about Arthur’s day) and then Uther would either tell him that it was good or bad. It wasn’t so black and white, but little Arthur had seen it that way. Uther would yell at him if Arthur was bad, even if Arthur didn’t think it was that bad (“Dad! I caught a lizard today!” “Arthur! Those things are disgusting, you shouldn’t be touching them, you’ll get sick.”) Arthur would be proud of a drawing he did at school and Uther would merely shrug, or worse, say it was a girl thing to do. It was something he had gotten used to, but it had also made Arthur yearn more and more for his dad’s approval. He was a good son, always doing as he was told and always doing it before he was told, lest he be punished.

The nannies came and went. He never had a mother figure, as others would think of it. He had friends, but it wasn’t until he entered high school that he really made any close friends. He met the Socs that year, having known about them in junior high but seeing them as other beings. He idolized them. Freshman year he was taken in by some of the older Socs, along with some other kids (Leon and Lance). The Socs had lacked a leader so to speak for a couple years. A couple years ago there had been a Soc named Tristan who was in charge, but he’d left for college with his sweetheart after he graduated. Unlike the greasers, the Socs were mostly made up of high schoolers. None of them dropped out; that type of behavior wasn’t tolerated. None of them worked, except for a couple who worked at the grocery store during the summer, mostly relying on their fathers for money. Arthur had found a family with the Socs where he hadn’t with his father or his nannies. They expected the best from him, like his dad, but this time they actually cared about him. At least they were happy just to see him. They didn’t need any an accomplishment to make him feel welcomed and appreciated. Their approval, thought, wasn’t easy to earn. Arthur had been through a couple fights and verbal-beatings before the Socs picked up on his presences. By Senior year he wasn’t just a leader of the Socs, he was the King. Something about Arthur made the others want to follow him. He was a natural born leader. He knew the Socs, what they needed and how to organize them. Arthur never thought he was the strongest or the bravest, but maybe that’s what made him great, because he knew how to sympathize with them. There was strength in being weak and there was definitely bravery in someone who fights for his friends, even when he’s scared shitless.

The Socs were his family, and he would do anything for them, to help and protect them. He hadn’t even recognized that he acted a certain way to please them. Ever since he was unofficially dubbed King, his head had been heavy with the crown. The Socs had been family to him when he felt like he lacked one, and he would be damned if he didn’t return the support. He treated everyone’s problems as if they were those of a brother’s. He never put himself first. He had forgotten what it was like to worry about his own problems and now they were abundant.

~

That afternoon on the rainy day in April, was the trigger for all their problems.

Merlin pulled Arthur away from him, but he didn’t let go of the Soc’s coat, afraid that if they let go, the separation would be permanent.

Arthur looked as terrified as Merlin felt, and in a way, that comforted Merlin. At least they were on the same page. They both knew what they were up against and they both didn’t deny that they were definitely up against something. Merlin didn’t think he would have been able to take it if Arthur denied anything had ever happened. He would have lost his marbles for sure.

Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and pulled him toward the station’s office. Merlin was grateful for the enclosed space, feeling too exposed in the spacious room. He realized Arthur’s hand was still in his and he tugged his hand away as they entered the room. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door to close it behind them. Arthur was standing opposite him, leaning against the desk, his hand in his pockets and his eyes downcast. They had separated and Merlin could feel the wall that had automatically built itself between them when they did.

“What’re we doing.” Arthur groaned. It wasn’t a question, more of an exasperation.

Merlin swallowed but couldn’t find the words to reply. This was too far. It had been too far when they were just friends, two boys from the opposite sides of town. Now they were in a territory where sides weren’t even the first issue, but it definitely made the whole situation a hell of a lot worse.

Merlin looked up at Arthur to find that he was being studied by the Soc. He didn’t divert his gaze though. He’d been scared just to be associated with the Golden Boy. Arthur’s eyes were shining, but the tears wouldn’t fall. Merlin didn’t think Arthur would cry, not here and not when he was home. He would probably tough out any situation, holding back the tears of an entire flood, and still stand solidly on his own two feet. Merlin respected Arthur for his bravery and maybe even liked him for his stubbornness. But he could also see the terror in Arthur’s eyes, and Merlin knew that to stand so tall and proud when Arthur felt so small was something to admire. Merlin no longer saw the Golden Boy. He saw the boy who had expectations thrust upon him, the one who wanted to be perfect and was terrified of failing. Merlin saw the good in his eyes and wondered how he could have ever hated him.

“I should hate you.” Merlin said, letting the words hang in the air before they crashed onto the floor between them.

“I don’t hate you.” Arthur responded after a long breath. Merlin nodded, knowing that their words sounded too much like a declaration.

Expressing their feelings was never something neither Merlin nor Arthur were good at. They were the kind of boys that didn’t say a word and let themselves brood about it until they finally burst. But now that they had each other, they had talked more and more about things they would have never said out loud before. Maybe this was just the next step. If they didn’t talk about _this_ , though, they would lose any friendship they had built. They were on shaky grounds as it was.

Merlin leaned against the wall of the office and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, his feet stretched out in front of him. Arthur copied him, sitting next to him but making sure their legs didn’t touch and there was a good amount of space between them. Merlin hadn’t noticed how close they had always sat, before _this_ had happened. He hadn’t thought it was weird until now.

“Have you ever thought about...before?” Arthur said, leaving a blank space in his question for Merlin to fill in for himself.

Merlin pause was long enough for concern until he admitted, “Yeah.”

Arthur jerked his head to look at him, “Really?”

Merlin kept staring ahead of himself, ignoring Arthur’s eyes on him. “I’ve read about it, you know.  Thought about it, _for other people_.”

That must have changed Arthur’s perspective because he stopped staring bullets into Merlin and leaned his head back onto the wall behind them.

“Have you ever heard of Oscar Wilde?” Merlin asked.

“No.” Arthur said. “Was he a greaser?”

Merlin was surprised by his own laugh, but he sobered pretty quickly. “No.” He shook his head. “He was an Irish writer. Mr. Gaius gave me some of his stuff to read, you know. The school won’t let kids read his stuff, but he gives me a bunch of books that we don’t read in class.”

“Yeah?” Arthur prompted.

“He was…” Merlin didn't want to say the words. There was no denying it when they were said out loud. But if one of them didn’t say it, then both of them would lose their minds. “There was this big scandal in England. He had an affair with another man.” Merlin saw Arthur’s twitch of shock at the words, but he didn’t stop Merlin from talking. “It’s stupid really.” Merlin tried to lighten the heavy feeling that had descended on them with a small laugh. It didn't stick. “There was a bunch of trials. A guy called out Wilde, said he was...you know." Merlin let the words hang again. "Wilde denied it and they went to court. Then the guy found out stuff about Wilde...the _stuff_ he'd done. And Wilde ended up going to prison.” Merlin rubbed his hands against his jeans. “He was kinda nuts. But I always felt bad for the dude. He was a weirdo, but he wasn't doing anyone any harm."

Merlin saw Arthur fiddle with his coat out of the corner of his eye. "Have you ever...?" Arthur asked.

" _No_ " Merlin snapped a little defensively. He coughed and tried to cover up his outburst. His fists clenched inside the pockets of his jacket. "I mean. I thought about it. _For other people_. I felt bad for the guy. I didn't.... I _don't_..."

"You still feel bad for him?" Arthur asked.

Merlin swallowed down the thing that rose in his throat. He couldn't imagine the pain of being publicly ridiculed and then the physical strain and abuse. Merlin may have lived more or less on the streets since he was ten, but at least he had the greasers, friends he could rely on. If a scandal like that happened to him, he’d be worse off than he was now.

"Yeah." Merlin said. "What about you?" Merlin asked.

"I don't know." Arthur said, sounding so conflicted about it. "I didn't think that stuff happened to normal people. I thought it was just something they told you in church to keep boys from talking to strange men. I never thought..." Arthur shook his head, and crossed his arms. "I mean I knew about it. I just didn't think people would actually- I just thought it's a sin and that was that."

"Sin." Merlin repeated. He hadn't been to church since his mom had died. He didn't remember much of the Sunday services either, since he hadn't been paying attention. None of the greasers went. It was on the east side of town and they would probably get stares for showing up. Arthur still went to church though; every Sunday morning.

"It doesn't _feel_ bad though." Arthur said, looking down in Merlin's general direction. On the concrete floor of the office, Arthur set down his hand near Merlin's leg. It felt like a hesitant invitation and a challenge at the same time. Merlin's set his hand down next to Arthur's, pressing their little fingers together.

"Isn't that the point?" Merlin watched their hands as Arthur's fingers took his. "The devil charms and tempts." Merlin curled his fingers into Arthur's so that their hands were interlocked. "The forbidden fruit is sweet."

"Does it tastes sweet to you?" Arthur asked hesitantly, looking at their hands.

Merlin wanted to scream 'No!' He want to say that it disgusted him. But he didn't feel that way and he wasn't going to lie to Arthur. He nodded slightly, turning his head to the side he looked at Arthur directly. "You?" Was all that he could get out. The possibility of being alone in this struggle was too unbearable to imagine. He was desperate for a shoulder to lean on, and Arthur was his support as well as his problem.

"Yeah." Arthur said, his blue eyes never leaving Merlin's.

Most of the words that needed to be said were left unvoiced, their throats catching them before they could escape, or never having the courage to form in the first place. But the blanks were filled, even if they didn't say them. Arthur slid his head against the wall until his forehead was leaning against Merlin's. Their hearts were pounding and their hands were latched too tightly on the other's. Suddenly, Merlin pulled away. Arthur unlatched their hands.

An hour later they had to go back to their respective sides of town. They hadn’t spoken much that afternoon, mostly staring at the wall and wondering what the hell they were doing. That afternoon would haunt the boys for a long time to come. They parted without any words; only a brief glance at each other and then they went their separate ways.

~

Merlin threw up that night.

He was nauseated; he felt freezing but his cheeks were flushed, his ears were ringing, his hands were sweaty. As he lay knelt on the bathroom floor he thought Will would be banging at the door any second. He hadn’t exactly finished his dinner before he ran to the bathroom. He pressed his face to the porcelain base of the sink, willing away the roll of his stomach and the headache threatening to appear at any second.

“What the hell, Merlin!” As if on cue, Will banged on the door three times, making it shake in its frame. “I didn’t even make the food this time!” Will sounded more concerned than annoyed, but God forbid Will show any sort of soft emotion. Merlin groaned, pressing his cold hands to his warm face. He didn’t want to _deal_ with any of this.

“Leave me the fuck alone Will!” Merlin screamed. There was a long pause and Merlin wondered if Will had gone back to dinner. Borden was the only other greaser in the house, but he would want to know if Merlin was sick, even if he didn’t usually care that much.

“Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you?” Will asked, apparently not gone away.

“What do you think?” Merlin said as he tried to control the headache which was appearing, “I’m sick, you dickhead.”

“Come on, let me in.” Will said. “You want some soup? I think we have a can of Campbell's.”

“Goddamn it.” Merlin whispered as his stomach rolled again. Will was never nice to him unless he was really concerned, and a cold wouldn’t make Will worry that much. That meant he knew that something else was wrong with Merlin. “Stop being nice to me.” Merlin yelled through the door.

“Fine!” Will said and banged on the door again. “Just throw up your insides and see if I care.”

Merlin left the bathroom a quarter of an hour later, after he had cleaned up. He still felt sick, but a little better. He wanted to go to his and Will’s bedroom and just sleep, but he was lured into the kitchen by the smell of soup, which meant Will was still trying to make him talk.

“I won’t be able to keep that down.” he said as he entered the room. Will was over the stove with a can of soup next to him. No one else was in the kitchen. Borden must have gone out for the night, like he always did.

“Fine then I’ll eat it.” Will shot back.

Merlin rolled his eyes as he sat down at the kitchen table. He drank the glass of water Will had set out for him.

“You know I never really thought you could get sick from staying out in the rain.” Will said as he poured the soup into two bowls, despite Merlin’s glaring.

“Mum always told me not to.” Merlin said.

“And look at you.” Will said, “A disgrace.” He set the bowl in front of Merlin and sat across from him.

Merlin sipped on the soup and ignored his stomach. He wasn’t sick, and he knew it. He hadn’t picked up a cold in the span of two hours, though he wished he could blame the weather. As soon as he made it to the west side, he had immediately felt freezing and shaken. He had run into Daegal, who was a nice kid, and Merlin just shrugged him off. The kid didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Merlin had been neglecting his friends and the greasers who counted on him. He felt sick to his stomach, especially when Borden started talking about the greasers at dinner, and Merlin had _no fucking clue_ what he was talking about. He had been completely out of it for _weeks_. He didn’t know half the news Borden had been talking about, though Will seemed fine with everything. That’s what made Merlin feel like shit, but it wasn’t until Borden started talking about some Socs who had jumped a greaser the other night that Merlin lost it. He rushed to the bathroom and threw up whatever dinner he had eaten, along with the rest of his stomach’s content. He’d been in his own little world that he had completely forgotten that Socs and Greasers were still at war. Not only that, but he’s been talking with the enemy. Talking! Talking would have been so much better. He’d _kissed_ the enemy. More than once. And he wanted to do it again. God he was going to throw up again if he kept thinking about it.

“So…” Will started.

“I have a cold, Will.” Merlin grumbled. “Leave it alone.”

“Bullshit.” Will said, pointing his spoon threateningly at Merlin. “You’ve been in a mood for way too long. And you know what? I’m _sick_ of waiting this time. Now _what is it_?”

“I was in the rain too long, Will, shut up!” Merlin yelled.

“You’re head’s been up your ass too long!” Will barked back, slamming his spoon down on the table.

Merlin stood up, turned on his heel and left the kitchen.

“At least eat the damned soup!” Will yelled at him as he went into their bedroom.

“Eat it yourself!” Merlin slammed the door.

~

The rest of the week wasn’t much better for Arthur either. He had laid awake the night after seeing Merlin. He’d replayed the kisses too many times and then he felt ashamed when he got hard. He wanted to scream and he wanted to beat the shit out of something that wasn’t tangible. He didn’t get much sleep that week, especially after he told himself that he wasn’t going to touch himself whenever he got hard for the wrong reasons (i.e. Merlin). It was a frustrating week, to say the least.

And it was only going to get worse for Arthur because when he finally pulled his head out the clouds, he realized that the Socs were in a frenzy. Leon and Lance, when he asked what was new (something he hadn't needed to ask before) they told him that Val was getting out of line. He and his separate group of friends had gone to the west side deliberately to find and beat any greaser they came across. Containing his rage and fear was an interesting task. It could have been Merlin. It could have been Merlin's friends. And Arthur's "friends" would be the cause. He played off his fear, letting his rage take over. Leon agreed that Val had gotten out of line (Arthur was still the leader here, and Val was challenging his authority). Lance had that worried look on his face again.

"I'll do something about it." Arthur said, not knowing where he would even start, and then loathing himself even more when his first instinct was to ask Merlin for advice. "I'll think of something." He said mostly to himself.

~

They should have stopped meeting, they both knew that. But they didn’t and they both knew that was what was going to happen. Arthur had thought their friendship might continue on tentative ground, but friendship wasn’t the word for what they were doing. Somehow they always ended up in the station’s office, feeling safer in the closer quarters, and necking as if the world was ending. This time, Merlin had initiated it, all but smashing Arthur against the wall.

Arthur wished it was only a dream. Less than a month ago it had only been a dream and back then he had wished it hadn’t existed at all.

But this was very real. He could tell from the smell of dirt and gravel. His hands were covered in grease from running through Merlin’s hair. The wall was a harsh unrelenting force that grounded him in reality. Merlin pressed his entire body into Arthur’s, causing their hips to collide and their legs to slip together. His lips were already bruised from all the kissing and he had lost his breath ages ago. He was aching and there was nothing in the world that could stop this feeling. He held tight to Merlin’s ass, loving the way the greaser pressed into the touch and also growled into Arthur’s mouth. They were both hard, had been for a while. Neither of them acknowledged it though, because the moment they thought about it, that would be the moment they would panic. The walls they had built to keep reality out, would come crashing down.

Arthur didn't remember much of the conversation they had had when they met each other at the train station that day. All he remembered was Merlin pressing him against the wall of the office and starting to kiss him. Arthur's mind had been filled with thoughts of betrayal to his own kind and how he had a duty to his friends, as it always was when he went to meet Merlin. He was a terrible person though, because it all went flying out the window as soon as he saw Merlin, and he couldn't even remember who the Socs were once Merlin kissed him. He was a terrible, terrible person. His name was definitely on Hell's waiting list.

“Arthur” Merlin breathed into his mouth. Arthur didn’t know what he was asking for or what he meant by saying his name, but Arthur felt even more heat build up in his chest. He kissed every inch of Merlin’s face, running his lips along those sharp cheekbones.

Merlin’s legs straddled Arthur’s thigh and he began to roughly grind his erection onto Arthur’s thigh and hip, like he had broken the last of his control. He grabbed Arthur’s jacket and he bit his lip as he tried to control his breathing, as if keeping his breath even would ensure that he was entirely apathetic. Except he definitely wasn’t and neither was Arthur. It was dirty, wrong and Arthur was watching it like he could stop. He let it happen. He might even have groaned, pushed Merlin to move more and kissed that long neck. Merlin let out a surprised huff of breath and he shuddered. Arthur began to jerk his hips in time with Merlin’s holding those narrow hips so that they were pressed together.

“Arthur” Merlin sounded alarmed. They’d gone too far, even Arthur could figure that out.

“Don’t stop.” Arthur grunted, sounding too commanding and maybe a little bit like begging. He had never been aroused like this before. He had been hard when he’d been with Vivian, but never like this. His entire body was aroused; his chest was flush, his torso ached and his knees were weak.

Merlin whined and then his hips stuttered as they picked up pace. And then he was slowly thrusting until he was just panting onto Arthur's neck.

"Did you just--?" Arthur gasped as he held Merlin's hips tighter. The whine that escaped Merlin's chest, along with the bright red color of his face was enough to answer Arthur question. " _Fuck_." Arthur swore and didn't stop rubbing against Merlin. The greaser let him, kissing sloppily along Arthur's jaw and lips. Arthur's orgasm surprised him. He knew he had been close, but when Merlin had come, with nothing besides Arthur to turn him on and completely clothed, Arthur felt powerful and aroused beyond his own belief. He shouted and gasped as he came, pressing Merlin closer to him, running his hands under Merlin's white shirt and along his prominent hip bones.

"Merlin" He panted as he felt the edges of his orgasm leak away. They slid down the wall, Merlin kneeling over one of Arthur's legs, his forehead over Arthur's. They stared at each other, and there was no mistaking the panic and shame in Merlin's eyes. Merlin moved to stand up.

"Merlin, wait."

He didn't wait. He brushed himself off, adjusted himself, trying to cover the stain on his jeans that couldn't be hidden, and walked out the door.

Arthur stayed on the floor and tried to think, but his brain was as slow as molasses in his skull. Arthur slammed his head against the wall until his felt like he was going to hurt himself and then he let himself yell. He screamed. He let out his rage for a little bit and stomped into the main room and he kicked over a bench and broke a window. He was left panting in the middle of the train station, feeling more broken than before.

~

The next time they met, Arthur wasn't going to let Merlin leave so easily.

"No. "Arthur grabbed Merlin's elbow before he could move away. "We are going to talk." He tugged him so they were face to face, a good foot apart. They had been kissing (again) and Merlin had just moved away like he was about to bolt out the door (again).

"No." Merlin retorted, his hands clenched into fists by his sides.

"Goddamn it Merlin!" Arthur yelled. "I can't fucking live like this! I can't pretend it isn't there anymore. I'll lose my fucking mind!"

"Shut up!" Merlin yelled back in his face.

"You can't ignore this Merlin!"

"Watch me!" Merlin turned to leave, but Arthur caught him.

"Get your filthy mitts off me!" Merlin jerked away.

"Listen to me!" Arthur roared.

Merlin went to punch him, but Arthur caught his wrist and pulled it behind his back, holding Merlin's back to his chest. It hurt more than Arthur would have ever imagined, seeing Merlin try and take a swing at him. "Please don't. Don't do this to me." Arthur said into Merlin's ear, pressing his face against Merlin's leather jacket.

Merlin struggled in Arthur grasp, but he became more and more hysterical. "Get off me. Get the fuck off me! Fuck off! Arthur get off! Arthur!" He was shaking so badly Arthur could feel it throughout his body. He let go of Merlin's wrist and pulled him into a hug before he could run off. Surprisingly, hands clenched into the back of his shirt and a nose pressed into his neck. He felt the wetness on his skin and the sobs racking Merlin's chest, but he didn't say anything. He just held him and hoped it was enough.

~

Merlin was scared out of his mind. Never in his life had he been so scared, not even when he had lost his mom and he had no place to go. Even then he had had Will by his side. Now he felt like all he had was himself and he was falling with no one to support him. Except he wasn't alone; he had Arthur. But he refused Arthur's help because, goddamnit he was the fucking problem. It was too easy to forget that. He was lying to himself if he thought he was doing a good job of putting Arthur off, because every time he met the Soc, all he wanted to do was grab him and kiss him until both of them were numb. The other day, when he had come, straddling Arthur's thigh and every thread of clothing still on him, he had been embarrassed and ashamed. He had wanted to crawl into a pit and let himself slowly die. But Arthur, that stupid arrogant beautiful idiot, he had only been a few thrusts away from his own orgasm and feeling Arthur whimper and groan underneath him, it was the best feeling Merlin had ever felt. And he wanted it more and more and more. But he hadn't been expecting this, he hadn’t planned on taking it this far. He hadn't even planned on kissing Arthur. It had just started with sharing a bottle of alcohol and seeing how the other side lived, it wasn't about this. Merlin didn't want this. Well, that was a lie. Merlin never wanted anything more in his life.

His entire life and reputation was in the hands of a Soc. Arthur had complete control over him and he wanted to hate him for it. He wanted to punch something, but he didn't want to hurt Arthur. It was like fighting something that wasn't even there.

Merlin had barely put the effort into punching Arthur, his heart wasn’t in it. Now he was losing every last shred of dignity as he cried in front of someone for the first time since his mom’s death. Arthur was holding him, and he let himself be embraced for once. He couldn’t stop crying, even when he desperately tried. Arthur's chest was warm and his arms felt like protection around Merlin. He thought he should hate this feeling, but enjoying the comfort Arthur gave to him. The Soc didn't say anything as he held Merlin, and he was a little grateful for saving him embarrassment. Eventually he settled down enough to speak.

"Arthur?" Merlin didn’t lift his head. It was bad enough he was crying, he didn’t want Arthur to see his tears and red eyes. Arthur wasn’t letting him hide though. He cupped Merlin face and forced his face up.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur said as he wiped away the tears Merlin wished weren’t there.

“Stop saying that.” Merlin growled. He went to bat Arthur’s hand away but ended up holding his wrist instead. His thumb stroked the veins on Arthur’s forearm.

“What else am I supposed to say?” Arthur answered back. He ran his other palm over Merlin’s cheek. “I don’t want you to cry.”

Merlin wiped away his tears and he had to bite back ‘I’m not crying, dumbass’ which wouldn’t have been very convincing.

~

They were quiet for a long time as Merlin composed himself, Arthur stroking his cheek and refusing for him to pull away. Arthur rubbed away Merlin’s tears and Merlin wiped his nose on his sleeve, wiping away the tears too.

“This is stupid, Arthur.” Merlin said. “You have to see that. You know how stupid it was _before_. Now...Now…” Merlin’s lower lip trembled.

“Jesus, Merlin.” Arthur exhaled, “I…” Arthur was holding back a few tears of his own, not being able to stand the look in Merlin’s eyes. “I don’t _care_ anymore. _I just don’t care._ God. We’re just… We’re just people, this is so stupid. We’re not the ones who are stupid, it’s them.” Arthur nodded toward the train station door, indicating the outside world.

“Arthur.” Merlin growled and tightened his hold on Arthur’s wrist. “It’s one thing to be a greaser and a Soc...Being friends was bad enough.” He was raw, Arthur could see that. Merlin’s cheeks were splotchy and his eyes were red around the edges.

“I don’t see you as a greaser, though.” Arthur whined, gently stroking Merlin’s neck. “You’re just Merlin.”

Merlin smacked away Arthur’s hands. “I’m a greaser too, asshole. That never changed.”

Guilt filled Arthur’s chest. “That’s not what I meant.”

“The outside world doesn’t just stop when we come here Arthur.”

“Don’t you think I know that!” Arthur snapped, moving away from Merlin. He rubbed his jaw as he tried to compose himself. He didn’t want to be mad at Merlin. He had to remember who he was really anger at: himself.

“So it’s happened to you too?” Merlin whispered.

“What?” Arthur’s brows knit together as he watched the greaser. Merlin’s hands were shoved deep in his jean pockets, his shoulders rolled inward.

“You noticed that life’s gone on without us.” Merlin shrugged. “We’ve been so out of it we didn’t even notice the rest of the world.”

That was exactly what had happened and Arthur hadn’t been able to put it into words before Merlin said it. He couldn’t think straight without Merlin, that was obvious now. He could barely figure out his own friends. How had he ever functioned without Merlin as his best friend?

“Val’s been acting up.” Arthur said as he turned from Merlin. “He’s trying to overthrow me. I didn’t even notice it. Not like I’ve been around to notice it.” Arthur groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands.

“He beat up one of the greasers.” Merlin said quietly.

Arthur swallowed down the guilt and anger that had risen in his throat, threatening to choke him. “I know.” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” Merlin snarled. “Just don’t.”

“Don’t you think I feel sorry? Don’t you think I care?” Arthur barked back. “What if it had been you, Merlin?” Arthur’s throat caught again, but he continued anyways. “Don’t you think I hate that my friends are hurting your friends?”

“It was me, jackass!” Merlin screamed back. The memories of the night he had found Merlin beaten and bloody came rushing back. Having caught Arthur off guard, Merlin continued. “It’s not just Val either, and you know it.”

“No one’s innocent here, Merlin.” Arthur shot back, like a bullet from a gun.

“Stop.” Merlin held up his hands, calling a truce. “This isn’t the point.”

“Then what’s the point?” Arthur crossed his arms.

“It’s not _our_ fault; that’s the point. This thing...this rivalry. We can’t help that, it’s been going on for years. We can’t blame each other for that.”

“Doesn’t make it right.”

“I didn’t say that.” Merlin answered quickly. “You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to see friends hurting friends.”

Arthur sighed, letting his hands run over his face, relaxing the frown that wouldn’t leave his brow. Suddenly, Merlin’s hands were at his wrists, taking his hands away from his face.“What are we supposed to do, Merlin?” Arthur whispered.

“I don’t know yet.” Merlin said, stroking Arthur’s jaw as he moved Arthur’s hands away, slipping his own onto Arthur’s shoulders. It was a comfortable gesture, one that Arthur wanted to savor like it would disappear at any second. “But we’ll have to think of something. We have to.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore. All this fighting for no reason.” Arthur pulled Merlin closer.

“Me neither.”

“And what about this?” Arthur held Merlin’s jaw, pulling them as close as possible while still being able to look Merlin in the eye. “What are we supposed to do about _this_?”

Merlin’s eyes were so bright, the tears making them shine and his cheeks flushed with the yelling and the tears. “Nothing.” Arthur bit the inside of his cheek, trying to control whatever emotion was crawling around inside of him. He pressed his forehead to Merlin’s feeling the tickle of Merlin’s greased hair against his. Merlin swallowed, breathing out uneasily. “We can’t. You know we can’t.”

“I can’t help it.” Arthur whined, his nose brushing Merlin’s. “I think about you, even when I don’t mean to.  I always want to talk to you. I keep wanting to mention something you said when I’m with friends and then I _remember_. I can’t even fall asleep without thinking of you.”

Merlin’s breath was ragged. He felt Merlin’s hand shake as they held Arthur’s jacket.  Merlin whispered, his voice short and cautious, “It’s too much, Arthur. I’ve never felt like this. Not with anyone. I can’t handle it.”

“Let me help.”

“You’re the problem, dolt.” The insult lacked its usual fervor.

“It’s not just going to go away.” Arthur countered. He paused while Merlin thought. “I don’t really want it to go away.”

Merlin bit his lip, his eyes darting from Arthur’s jacket to the side of the train station, as if he wanted to run but couldn’t bring himself to leave Arthur again. “I don’t want it to go away either.” was all he said. Arthur swooped in to kiss him and Merlin let him, not even fighting it. Merlin’s lips tasted too much like tears for Arthur to feel happy and the whine that cracked through the air from both of their chests was sad and desperate.

“I’m scared.” Merlin lips brushed across Arthur’s, the sound barely making it to Arthur’s ears.

“Yeah.” Arthur breathed back. It must have taken a lot for Merlin to admit that, and Arthur was again reminded how deep they were in this mess. This wasn’t going to fix itself easily. Arthur didn’t even think there was a fix. But he let himself forget, he allowed himself that much, even if it was just for a little while. They held each other like they were in the eye of the storm, and they let the world crash around them.

~

It was days later when Merlin laid awake, waiting. The clock read that it was one in the morning. Will was snoring away in the adjacent bed, dead to the world. Merlin slipped out of bed and dressed as quietly as possible. He slipped on his jeans and shirt, donning his jacket. His hair had dried from the shower he had taken that night, but it was thick and messy. He left it the way it was. He grabbed the blanket from under his bed and the camping lantern he’d taken from a closet in the house. Self consciously he looked at himself in the mirror, barely able to see himself in the dim light from the window. He didn’t really look like himself, especially with his hair down. He was pale and his ears stuck out more than normal. Of all the times to get self conscious, Merlin cursed inwardly. Carefully and quietly he set down his things and tried to fix his hair a little. It was a mess, falling into his eyes and curling at the base of his neck. He opened the drawer and pulled out a bottle of cologne that neither he nor Will used very often. He put it on, feeling a little better about himself. Then he blushed at how much effort and thought he was putting into this. He picked up the stuff, one last glance at the mirror, and left the house without a sound.

When he got to the train station Arthur wasn’t there yet. Merlin set down the blanket in the office and turned on the lamp. He wrung his fingers for a few moments, then ran his hands through his hair again. He should have taken the five minutes to do his hair. It wouldn’t have taken that long. Merlin smelled the cologne on himself and felt extremely self conscious. He hadn’t cared about his appearance before, it shouldn’t matter now.

But what if Arthur only wanted him because he was something forbidden? A greaser and a boy. Would Arthur prefer someone else if he had the chance? Was he settling for Merlin because this was the first opportunity? If someone better came along, would he drop Merlin? 'Thanks for the fun, but you’re obviously not the best out there, I just didn’t know it before.' Or even worse, would Arthur feel disgusted, drop Merlin before anything ever happened, and leave?

“Merlin?”

Arthur was in the doorway, his school bag over his shoulder and a thick picnic blanket under the other. He looked like he always did, except his hair was messy and unstyled, same as Merlin’s. Merlin looked up but he didn’t greet Arthur. He doubted he could squeak anything out. Arthur set his things down and stayed where he was.

“Barely recognize you with your hair down.” Arthur said, and it might have been Merlin’s imagination, but his voice may have been a little strained.

“Shut up.” Merlin said, pulling at his hair to make it stay down or do something besides be a mess. “I look damned stupid. I should’ve just gone to the bathroom and put some pomade in it. It won’t fucking stay in place and my comb won’t even go through it-”

Arthur was in front of him, pulling Merlin’s hands away from his hair. Arthur’s fingers ran over his scalp, brushing his ear. “Now I can do this without getting my hands covered in grease.” Arthur whispered as he held Merlin’s head.

Merlin pulled Arthur closer until their chests were pressed together and his cheek was against Arthur’s. His lips brushed against Arthur’s ear.

“I have to ask you something.”Merlin leaned his cheek against Arthur’s shoulder, letting Arthur’s arms wrap around his shoulders.

“What?”

“Are you…Are you sure?” he asked, running a finger over Arthur’s jacket button between them. He felt Arthur stiffen.

“Are _you_?” Arthur countered. “If you don’t want to…”

Merlin pulled away to look at Arthur. “I asked if you wanted to.”

“Merlin. What’s this about?”

“You don’t know anyone else besides me that’s ever thought about this. If it wasn’t me, it could be anyone…”

“Merlin, you’re not making any sense. Come on, who else would I-”

“But you don’t know that!” Merlin raised his voice, and had to swallow, as if that would take back the noise that echoed in the small room.

“Merlin…” Arthur held Merlin's hands, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.

“It could be a forbidden fruit thing. You think you want this, but really its just because its not allowed. Not to mention I’m a greaser bastard, that adds onto it-”

“Merlin shut up.” Arthur growled, holding Merlin’s face securely between his hands. “Do you not want this? Just tell me, don’t beat around the bush.”

“What!” Merlin exclaimed. “I just wanted to make sure you wanted this. I don’t want to be in the middle and figure out you’re disgusted with me.”

“God, Merlin. _No_.”Arthur let out a sigh that went through his whole body. “Christ, you’re an idiot.” He pressed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead. “Where have you been? I...I get hard everytime we kiss, I can’t even help it.”

“Just...Okay. Yeah.” Merlin stumbled over his words.

“Look, this is on our terms. If you don’t want to, we’ll stop. But there’s no fumbling this time. I want to do this because we fully intend to do it. Last time…”

“It kinda just happened?” Merlin filled in.

“Yeah.”

“Scared the shit out of me.” Merlin said, looking down at the ground, remembering how he had come in his jeans, panicked and left before he could embarrass himself more. The only thing that had made him feel better was that he wasn’t the only one who’d done it.

“Took me completely off guard.” Arthur said lightly, laughing a little.

“Really?” Merlin lifted his eyes to see Arthur’s bright and a little nervous.

“Yeah. Had no idea what was happening. It was all jumbled in my head, then it happened and it was over and you were out the door.” Arthur sounded smaller and more uncertain than Merlin had ever heard him before.

“Sorry.” Merlin looked away again, guilt building up in his chest. “I didn’t mean to...It just.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you for panicking. I’m just glad you didn’t see me after you left.” Merlin raised a brow, wondering what Arthur had done, but he only received a shake of Arthur’s head in return. “Come on.” Arthur pulled Merlin to the center of the room and they unfolded the blanket until it was only in one fold, big enough for two and plush enough for the concrete floor. Merlin’s blanket was sprawled on the floor next to it. The lantern cast an orange glow against everything, dragging their shadows across the walls and floor.

They stood on either side of the blanket watching each other. Arthur took off his jacket and Merlin followed suit. They copied each other, piece by piece the clothing went to the floor. Their eyes never left each other’s, except to glance momentarily at what they were doing. Merlin could feel his blush spread through his chest and neck and he was grateful for the bad lighting. He hadn’t cared so much about his body before. The few times with Morgana had been quick in a car, hardly romantic or planned. He didn’t even think they got completely naked at anytime. He erased the thoughts from his mind. Merlin pulled down his boxer shorts and watched Arthur do the same. He was nervous but seeing Arthur made him flushed all over. Arthur was broad chested, blonde hair catching in the dull orange light. His thighs were muscled and Merlin hadn’t known that would be an attractive trait until he saw them. Arthur was flexing his fingers at his sides, looking like he wanted to cover up. Or maybe he was eager?

Arthur took a step forward, and Merlin copied suit. They stood far apart on the blanket, until Arthur pulled Merlin closer, but oddly careful to keep their bodies separate. Merlin gripped Arthur’s arms and let Arthur kiss him, leaning his head back to deepen it. Merlin pushed them together and they both let out gasps when their thighs and cocks pressed together. Arthur jerked and moaned. Merlin’s breath was coming faster, leaving wet puffs on Arthur’s skin.

Arthur pulled away and suddenly Merlin was off the ground. Arthur’s hands were under his ass and hefting him up. He yelped, his thighs wrapping around Arthur. He laughed a little hysterically as Arthur knelt down and placed Merlin on the blanket beneath him. He pressed a kiss to Merlin’s cheek, where his smile formed dimples. “I wished you smiled more.”

Merlin’s lungs stopped taking in air for a couple seconds and his breath stuttered. He answered by kissing Arthur, shutting him up.

“You smell good.” Arthur pressed his nose to Merlin’s neck. He sounded confused. “Did you put on cologne?”

Merlin swallowed, aware of his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Might have.” He said, trying to keep the embarrassment from creeping up his neck in the form of a blush.

“You did, didn’t you?” Arthur lifted his head to cock an eyebrow at Merlin, a knowing smirk on his lips. “Did you put cologne on just for me?”

“You’re an ass, you know that? Last time I try to-”

Arthur licked up his neck, probably tasting the traces of the liquid on Merlin’s skin, curling his tongue around Merlin’s ear lobe. “I like it.”

“ _Jesus Christ._ ” Merlin gasped, gripping Arthur’s shoulders in surprise. A noise came out of his mouth but it didn’t sound like any words he’d ever heard before.

Merlin pulled him down until they were flush and started rocking their hips together. Arthur’s hands couldn’t stay in one place, they were on Merlin’s chest, his shoulders, his stomach, his thighs. It was overwhelming and felt like he was in the middle of a wind storm.

Merlin grabbed one of Arthur’s hands, gasping as it ran over his nipple. “Slow down.”

Arthur ducked his head, placing soft kisses on Merlin’s face. "Sorry.”

Merlin rolled them, forcing Arthur onto his back, and started rocking thier hips in a slow motion. He made noises that he had never made before, and ones he wanted to make over and over again. Arthur was holding him and touching him and it was too much and not enough at the same time.

Arthur kept whispering things, hoarse murmurs that travelled along Merlin’s skin. They said things that neither of them would let themselves say in any other situation. Merlin brushed kisses over Arthur’s chest, telling him how much he liked when Arthur held him. Arthur kissed his neck and moaned how he loved Merlin’s hair and how it curled behind his ears. Every word was more fuel on the fire, making Merlin shake and throb more and more. Arthur came, Merlin’s hand wrapped tightly around him and Merlin’s lips on his jaw. He groaned and shuddered, and Merlin slowing down his strokes. Merlin wasn’t far behind. All it took was Arthur’s hand and his lips on Merlin’s and then he was gasping as he came. Merlin dropped his body next to Arthur, lying on his side.

Arthur turned to him, his eyes half lidded and his expression bliss. Merlin caught his lips and they lazily kissed, barely moving.

“Merlin” Arthur slurred his name against his lips. Pressing several to Merlin’s cheek. He moved so that Merlin was wrapped in his arms, and his nose pressed into Arthur’s neck. In the still of the night, they held each other close.

Their own terms. No one expected them to be together or to even be friends. Thier bodies didn’t betray them this time, not when they allowed themselves to do what they wanted on this night together. For once in their lives, they were free to do as they wanted even as they violently spun out of control.

~

They had fallen asleep. When Merlin woke up, he didn’t remember where he was. He felt the hot blanket, that was actually Arthur, move next to him. The real blanket that Merlin had brought was over them, Arthur must had covered them when Merlin fell asleep. The the room was brighter than when he fell asleep though.

“Shit.” He sat up abruptly.

Arthur jerked awake. “What?” He asked, his eyes still half closed and his hair sticking up in every direction. Merlin searched for Arthur’s watch.

“Fuck” Merlin looked at the watch, buried under a pair of jeans. “It’s almost six.”

“Shit.” Arthur woke up completely, whipping the blanket off them both. They were both sticky and sweaty from the hours previous, but they pulled on their clothes quickly. They dressed, and then folded their blankets messily, just enough so that they could hold them.

Arthur’s face had a red line across it from where his face had pressed into the blankets. His hair was disheveled and puffed into twice its usual size. He tripped when he tried to get on one of his shoes, and Merlin had never been so enamored. When they were ready to go, Merlin set down his things at the door. Arthur, as if he were expecting this, put his things down too and pulled Merlin into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around his torso, letting Merlin’s hands hold his face.

Arthur whispered something, and Merlin wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear it or not, but he heard it nonetheless. He felt it in his chest, the tightening and then the flutter as if he was going to fall apart.

As he held Arthur’s jar he pressed a chaste kiss to Arthur’s lips. “I love you too.” Arthur’s breath stuttered and Merlin let them both kiss until they had both forgotten everything.

“We have to go.” Merlin said, trying to pull Arthur away.

“I know.” Arthur pressed a final kiss to Merlin’s lips.

They left the train station and Merlin didn’t look back, knowing he would run back, if he did.

~

Merlin made it about hundred feet when he heard Will searching for him. "Merlin!" he other greaser yelled. Merlin cursed and he picked up his pace. Will must have noticed he was gone and come to look for him. Will had been worried about him, and then he was gone in the middle of the night. Merlin turned to try and find him, but his stomach dropped when he realized where Will was heading: straight for where Arthur had just gone. He heard muffled shouting and he started to run. At the edge of the train station grounds, where East met West, Will had Arthur by the collar. Will hit Arthur once, and it seemed that Arthur wasn't even defending himself.

"Will!" Merlin screamed. He dropped his things and ran over to the pair. He wasn’t thinking and he had lost his sanity long ago. He pulled Will off Arthur rather violently, the Soc dropping to the ground at the sudden push, and Merlin knelt next to him. His lip was bleeding. "Are you okay?" Merlin touched his lip, and looked up at Arthur’s eyes. They were wide with panic, but not because he was afraid of a few scraps. He was staring at Merlin, his eyes darting to Will.

This was probably not the response will had expected, and his yell of outrage was deafening. "What the hell do you think you’re doing!"

Merlin looked at Arthur one last time, trying to show how sorry he was. “What are you doing here, Will?” Merlin asked, keeping his voice even.

“Why am I here?” Will spluttered. “Why are you here? You’ve been gone for hours! I woke up in the middle of the night and you were _gone_. I thought you went out, for whatever fucking reason, I honestly don’t know anymore, and the Socs got you again.” Will looked at Merlin, squatted next to Arthur, the wounded soc, and something must have clicked. "Were you- have you been hanging with a _Soc_!" Will hissed the last word like it was a vile word.

Merlin turned his head down, knowing Arthur would see the shame in his blush. “Arthur you need to go home." he said quietly, knowing Will was going to get angry. If Arthur was there, Will wouldn’t let out his anger on Merlin, he’d attack Arthur.

"I'm not going anywhere." Arthur said, probably knowing Will’s anger was bad news. They were caught, and somehow they both knew it was bound to happen.

"You need to go before your Dad gets up.” Merlin said, trying to get Arthur off the ground.

"Stop talking to each other like you fucking know each other!" Will yelled. The bitter wrath was written all over his face.

“ _Will_.” Merlin scolded, but Will’s expression stopped him.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Will bellowed. “That’s the _Golden Boy_ of the Socs!” Will pointed at Arthur as if he weren’t there, or something not worth acknowledging.

“Don’t call him that!” Merlin barked, his grip on Arthur’s arm tightening.

“Will…” Arthur said but he was cut off.

“Don’t you fucking speak to me.” If looks could kill, Arthur’s head would have a bullet through it. Will turned to Merlin. “We’re leaving.” He grabbed Merlin’s arm and jerked him so hard that he let go of Arthur’s arm.

“Get off me!” Merlin pulled his arm back, standing away from Will.

“What are you doing Merlin! Are you telling me, you’ve been meeting up with a _Soc_? You’ve betrayed your own kind! Socs beat up Daegal! For Christ’s sake Merlin, they’ve _pummeled_ you. And where have you been? Talking with the fucking leader!” He jabbed a finger in Arthur’s direction.

Merlin gaped at him, his heart pounding away in his chest and then cracking at the seams, knowing Will was right. “You know what?” Will held up his hands in surrender. “Fuck it. I’ve been trying to help for _weeks_ , and _this_ is what you’ve been doing? _Fuck you._ Don’t you fucking speak to me.” Will turned on his heel, gravel skidding under his boots, as he stomped away.

“Will!” Merlin screamed, half angry and half desperate. He took a step toward Will and then turned back to look at Arthur. The Soc only shook his head, picked up the blanket that had fallen to the ground when Will had punched him. He nodded his head toward Will. Merlin nodded, internally thanking and apologizing to Arthur, picking up his things, and running after Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from["In the Still of the Night"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRb1-SAAIzs)sung by The Five Satins.
> 
> I remember that night in May  
> The stars were bright above  
> I'll hope and I'll pray  
> To keep your precious love  
> Well before the light


	6. Stay Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing gold can stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a formal apology to anyone who waited. I am so sorry. I hate WIPs and then I became that author who never updated. I stared at this chapter for hours, to the point where it's like saying the same word over and over again, until you don't know what you're saying. That's what my writer's block was like for this chapter. But here it is. I'm sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy the final chapter!

_Nature's first green is gold,_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf,_

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day_

_Nothing gold can stay._

-Robert Frost

~

Merlin ran. The sun was rising on the east side, making it look like he was chasing his own shadow as he ran toward the west side.

"Will!" Merlin yelled, out of breath. The west side was dead silent, and Merlin felt like he was disturbing the peace. It didn't help that he felt like a stranger on his own side of town.

Merlin skidded as he ran to the front porch of the house. He dumped his things as soon as he was in the house.

"I said don't talk to me!" Will shouted. Merlin dashed up the stairs and into their room.

"Will just listen to me for a damn minute" he panted a little as he shouted.

When he entered the room he wasn't expecting Will to be so close, and in hindsight, he should have seen the punch coming.

His head was smacked into the doorframe, and he held his jaw and the side of his head, feeling the pain of a bruise beginning to form and knowing that he deserved it (and more).

"Probably deserved that." Merlin said, straightening his body. Will's fists were still at his sides and his face was red with anger. At the comment Will looked like he was going to take another punch. "Wait, just hold on." Merlin held up his hands and tried to look sincere as possible. "Let me explain, at least."

"Explain what!" Will shrieked. “You bastard, I worried over you! I actually worried something was wrong and you let me think that! You fucking bastard! Do you know what you’ve done? Or is it too hard for you to understand what you’ve done?”

“Will, please.” Merlin begged, his throat already feeling tight. “Let me explain. The night those Socs beat-”

“Oh right, I’m glad you remember the Socs beat you nearly to death, because it seemed like you forgot that!”

“Arthur saved me!” Merlin screamed, effectively silencing Will for the moment.

Will’s brow was furrowed and he was ready to strike at any second, but Merlin had finally gotten his attention.

Merlin continued cautiously. “I never told you how I got away. That’s because I didn’t. They had me, Will. God they had me. I thought I was gonna die. There was five of them and they were drunk out of their minds. It was Arthur. He saw the fight and stopped them. He didn’t know who I was until after he stopped the fight, but he didn’t let them continue…” Will still looked wary and angry but maybe not as willing to punch Merlin this time. “I didn’t know what to think after that, and I just...we met and he didn’t seem that bad. God Will, can’t you _see_?”

“See what?” Will asked exasperatedly, “What the hell are you on about? Just because he _didn’t_ kill you doesn't make him a saint.”

“He’s just a guy like us!” Merlin shouted, “They all are. They’re just like us.”

Will bristled and he looked murderous again, “We aren’t fucking like those Socs, Merlin.” He ground out. “Are you so out of it that you actually believe that?”

“I’m not the one who’s out of it! It’s you! You can’t see past that there isn’t a line between the sides of town.”

“That’s because there is a line! Have you forgotten the way the East side sees us? We’re trash to them!”

“Yeah well, they’re trash to us!’

“Damn right.” Will nodded.

“No!” Merlin pulled on his hair. “We shouldn’t hate them!”

Wills scoffed, “What are you going to do when the next rumble happens? Huh? You just gonna sit it out? Gonna hold hands and sing Kumbayah?"

"Shut up!” Merlin sickened at the thought. Merlin and Arthur had been lucky that no rumbles had happened since they started meeting. Merlin hadn’t even thought of it. He couldn’t bear to see a rumble between the greasers and Socs, not when he knew both sides.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing? You've betrayed your own kind. He's the fucking enemy!"

"We're not enemies! This isn't a war!"

"Like hell it isn't a war! Have you forgotten all the times they've hurt us? Socs beat you, doesn’t matter if Pendragon stopped them, he’s still one of them! Do you think if the Socs catch you hanging out with him, do you think he's gonna defend you?" Will said, his voice dripping with disgust.

"Yes!" Merlin’s voice cracked as he screamed. He huffed in the silence that followed.

He felt like he was drowning and Will was letting him.  Despite everything, Merlin didn’t think Arthur would stand by his side. Even knowing what Arthur had said when they were alone, that didn’t matter because that wasn’t the real world. They walked into another world every time they met and once Arthur was in the real world he’d realized what he’d done.

Will shook his head, "Then you're stupider than I thought.” He pushed past a frozen Merlin in the doorway. He didn’t look Merlin in the eye when he said, “He’s playing you like a fool, and you’ve fallen for it. You’ll be ripped to shreds. This is only gonna end badly for you Merlin, not for him, for _you_. You’ll be found out and you’ll get blamed and he’ll get off scott-free. So end whatever kind of fucked up alliance you have with him before something worse than just me finding out happens.

Merlin swallowed because Will was hitting every fear Merlin had ever had. If only Will knew just how deep Merlin was, what he had just done with Arthur, he'd be twice as angry. Will walked down the stairs, leaving Merlin in the room. He fell onto his bed, curling up on his side and willing himself not to cry and failing miserably. He still felt the dirt from the train station and the marks Arthur had left on his skin and he felt nauseated. He dashed into the bathroom and threw up. Will didn’t come to see if he was alright.

~

Merlin had been angry with Will. He wanted to disagree with everything he said that morning, but as it sat in Merlin's mind, the more and more Merlin came to agree with him.

What were Merlin and Arthur even playing at? They could barely look each other in the eye in the hall without arising suspicion to themselves. They were on opposite sides. Arthur had his life on the East side and Merlin had his on the West. They lived in another world when they went to the train station, but in the outside world they were just kidding themselves.

Will was right, what were they going to do when a rumble happened? They had just been lucky that nothing had happened lately. Merlin couldn't bear to hit anyone, knowing it might be Arthur's friend. Would Arthur be okay with going to a rumble, knowing he would be punching a friend of Merlin's? And if they were to come across each other in the rumble? Could they avoid each other and get away with it? Was it possible to avoid the rumble all together? Merlin knew it wasn't, Arthur was still the Soc’s leader, and Merlin couldn't deny that if he skipped a rumble the greasers would know something was wrong.

And what about later? Even a couple months from now, they would graduate from high school, Arthur would start work for his father and Merlin would have to find a job. They couldn't keep this game up forever, it wasn't possible. They were kidding themselves. They weren’t free in this town.

~

Now that Merlin knew Arthur so well, it was almost too easy to avoid him. He deliberately took different routes to his classes. He skipped the rest of school after lunch and went home. Will wasn’t talking to him and let Merlin go. He wondered what the other greasers might think was going on, but he really didn’t know. He had been out of it for so long that he didn’t know what the greasers thought of him anymore. He’d abandoned them. The one thing he did know was that the greasers could feel the tension between him and Will and they were antsy to know what had happened. Merlin hoped Will wouldn’t spill his secret, though he knew Will wouldn’t. Will was just as ashamed of Merlin’s behavior as Merlin himself.

~

Arthur was bound to get beaten to a pulp if he went on the West side of town, but he wasn’t thinking straight. It had been a week since he had seen Merlin. At school, Merlin had all but disappeared, though Arthur knew he was there because he saw the back of his head in the halls or a glimpse of him at lunch. He was avoiding Arthur which wasn’t a good sign. Merlin hadn’t answered to any of the notes Arthur had left, either. Arthur was on edge. He was worried that Merlin had gotten into trouble with Will or even with the other greasers, and he wanted to make sure Merlin was alright. Not only that, but Arthur physically needed to see Merlin. They had had that one night where they let themselves feel everything they wanted without hating themselves, and then it was gone. Will had caught them, thankfully not in any extremely compromising way, and then they crashed into reality.

Not seeing Merlin for a week was like it never happened, or worse, like Merlin had regretted it. But Merlin had spoken those words to him and he knew in his gut that Merlin cared. His insecurities swelled and he was drowning in the thought that Merlin had picked him up and tossed him aside.

Arthur knocked on the door, hoping he didn’t stick out too much on the West side. Tension between the greasers and Socs was picking up again and he hated himself more and more for not seeing it. A rumble was bound to happen at any time.

Will opened the door, and he wasn’t happy to see Arthur. Fortunately, Arthur was expecting the punch and caught the greaser’s arm and twisted it behind his back. "I just want to talk with Merlin." he said in his ear, clenching Will’s arm.

"Fuck off," Will said with a panting breath, "He’s not here anyway, Golden Boy."

Arthur twisted Will’s arm more. "I don't want to hurt you, just let me have five minutes, that's I all need."

“Hurt me?” Will struggled, “Bring it, pretty boy-”

"Arthur let him go."

Arthur jerked to look up at Merlin, standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed and his eyes downward cast.

"Merlin." Arthur breathed, the same time Will demanded, "Go back inside."

"Who died and made you King?” Merlin snarled at Will. He didn’t look at Arthur, but he spoke to him nontheless, “Let him go.”

Arthur looked at Will and cautiously said, “He’ll punch me.”

“Damn right. Look like he’s got more brains than I thought-” Arthur cut him off by twisting Will’s arms again. Then Merlin was in front of him, releasing Will and pulling Arthur’s shirt so that they were all in the house. Merlin slammed Arthur’s back against the closed door, banging his head against the wood.

“What do you want?” Merlin asked. His tone was as harsh as his actions.

“We need to talk.” Arthur said. He hadn’t thought he needed to explain why he was there, wasn’t it obvious. Will brushed himself off and looked smug that Merlin had attacked Arthur. He wasn’t concerned though; Arthur knew Merlin wouldn’t hurt him.

Merlin looked Arthur in the eye, and whatever he saw must have been good enough because he looked over to Will and said, “Give us a moment, would you?”

“What!” Will exclaimed, “No! God damn it, Merlin.”

Merlin ignored Will, pulled on Arthur’s shirt once to indicate that he should follow, and walked up the stairs.

Will yelled, "Five minutes then I'm kicking his ass out into the fucking gutter where it belongs!"

Merlin entered a bedroom with two beds and closed the door behind Arthur, locking it. He didn’t look at Arthur even behind the locked door.

"You've been avoiding me."

Merlin didn't say anything.

"Where have you been?"

Again there was silence.

"Merlin, _what happened_?"

Merlin didn't say anything for the third time and Arthur finally lost his temper. " _Will you fucking say something_!? At least look at me! I've been worried sick and you won't even get a foot near me." Arthur stepped forward and watched as Merlin visibly moved away from him.

Merlin swallowed. "You shouldn't be here."

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Yeah I know Will's gonna beat me, now _talk to me_."

"No you don't get it!" Merlin burst. "What do you think we were doing? What did you think was going to happen?"

"What?" Arthur stumbled back, surprised. Fear threatened to climb up into his throat and choke him.

Merlin continued, "Did you think we could ever be friends?” Merlin let out an uneasy, almost hysterical laugh. Arthur felt light headed and his stomach churned.

"Don't be mean, Merlin. Come on." Arthur said, his voice sounding wrenched from his chest.

Merlin stuttered, "How were a greaser and a Soc ever supposed to be friends?”

“Shut up, Merlin!” Arthur snapped. “We were friends. We are friends, damn it.” Merlin looked at him, his eyes sad and his lips in a tight line.

“Not really, Arthur.” he said.

" _Stop_.” Arthur demanded. He knew Merlin was lying, he knew it. Merlin wasn’t a cruel person. “This is… this is stupid!" Arthur swallowed but his throat was dry and he couldn't breathe. "Don't."

Merlin shook his head, "I love you, but-” Arthur didn’t want to hear the rest of that sentence.

He stepped forward and grabbed onto Merlin's collar, pressing his forehead against Merlin's. He had to hold onto that, had to remember that Merlin did love him. "Whatever you’re going to say, just don’t. Please, just...don’t."

Merlin was shaking, “This can't work, and you know it. It's _never_ going to work. If we get caught _everything's over_."

Arthur held his shirt tighter. “Don't be stupid, Merlin." He tried to keep him close anyway he could. Merlin’s arms still hung loose at his sides, unwilling to touch Arthur. It stung as badly as when Merlin wouldn’t look at him.

"We’ve been ignoring everything Arthur. There's no way this ends well for either of us. It's better if we just end it before it all goes up in flames."

“Just end it?” Arthur repeated. He shook his head. "That’s not what I want, Merlin. It’s not what _you_ want."

“I know it’s not what I want!” Merlin snapped, finally reacting. He grabbed Arthur's sides, and Arthur felt a victory in that movement. "You think I never want to talk to you again? Or...kiss you.” he added, running his fingers along Arthur’s ribs. “Because I do. I want that for the rest of my life, but that's not an option, it wasn't even an option for us to be friends."

Arthur tried to lean forward and kiss Merlin, but he pulled away.

"There has to be some other way." Arthur scrambled for an idea, for any loophole.

"What? Hide away in a train station our entire life?" Merlin sneered, sounding bitter and not like himself.

"You’re not making this easy." Arthur bit back.

"I'm being practical Arthur. Open your fucking eyes. We're trapped, the sooner you realize that the sooner this will hurt less."

Arthur ran his fingers over Merlin's cheek, watching Merlin's eyes shift back and forth between a cold mask and a broken soul. "Does it hurt less for you already? Knowing we’re trapped?"

"This is the only way I can protect you." Merlin's voice was shaky, and his eyes were filling. "We keep doing this and your life is ruined."

"What about you? This isn't just about me."

"My life is already ruined."

"No it's not."

"Arthur just...just leave it. We can't do this forever.”

"I can't just stop loving you." Arthur said.

"I didn't ask you to." Merlin responded, grabbing Arthur's hand with a vise grip. Arthur leaned in and kissed him, embracing him until their bodies were flush against each other. Merlin's arms hugged Arthur tight, like they weren't going to let go. Arthur wished they wouldn’t.

Arthur moved away, long enough just to say, “I’ll fix this, Merlin. I will.”

Merlin kissed his upper lip, “I know you think that.” He kissed his lower lip. “But-”

“I’ll figure out a way. I can’t just end this.” Arthur kissed him one last time, and then he moved out of Merlin's arms, feeling like he was removing part of his soul. He went to the door, stopping to look back at Merlin. He was holding his sides and Arthur wished he was holding Arthur instead. Arthur had to leave before he did just that. He would fix this, he thought. He had to fix this.

When he went down the stairs, Will was standing in the entryway, waiting for him. “Are you going to punch me?” Arthur held his hands out, in acceptance. “Go ahead.”

Will was staring at him as if he hadn’t a clue what Arthur was. Then he asked the question that Arthur figured had probably been nagging at Will for a while. “Did you really stop your own Socs from beating him?”

Arthur knew a test when he heard one. He answered honestly. “I saw an unfair fight; I stopped it.”

Will was still watching him, a lab rat on the table. “I don’t get you, Pendragon.”

“I’m just like you.” Will jerked forward as if the words were a trigger in his mind that told him to punch. But he stopped himself. Arthur nodded up the stairs, indicating Merlin. “I protect my own.”

Arthur opened the door and was out the house. “Hey, Pendragon!” Will’s voice made him stop halfway across the dried lawn. “Is Merlin your own?” He looked honestly confused, and maybe like he was trying to figure out what was going on inside the Soc’s head. Arthur thought it was a start. As soon as Will saw Arthur as someone with thought, the sooner he realized they were the same.

Arthur turned back to see Will in the doorway. “Maybe there aren’t sides, Will. Maybe there’s only all of us.” He wasn’t sure Will understood. He took one last glance at the house before he turned and started strolling down the sidewalk until he crossed the invisible line where West Side met East Side.

~

Merlin was still curled up on his bed when Will came in. It was well past dinnertime but neither of them had eaten. Merlin was afraid he’d throw up again.

Will stood by Merlin’s bed for a long moment, not waiting for Merlin to speak but not looking like he wanted to say anything either.

Eventually he did say something. He sat down on his own bed, facing Merlin. “I don’t get it and I won’t pretend to get it.”

Merlin looked up at him from where he had been studying the ground. “You know how I like English and Mr. Gaius?”

Will looked confused by the question, but he nodded.

“But you wouldn’t call me a nerd, right? Besides kidding around. You wouldn’t look at me and say, ‘He’s a nerd.’”

“No, that’s ‘cause you don’t go around looking like a nerd or anything.” He didn’t seem to be getting the point so Merlin continued.

“But I like school. That makes me a nerd, right?”

“No.” Will snapped, looking frustrated.

“So what makes me a greaser?”

“’Cause you are. ‘Cause you live on the West Side. ‘Cause you hang with us, knucklehead.”

“Yeah but what if I had been born on the East Side?”

“But you weren’t.”

Merlin sat up, his temper rising. “Yeah but if I was!” he demanded. “If I was born on the East Side, if I joined the Socs, if I cut my hair neat? Would you hate me?”

“No!” Will yelled back, looking offended.

 Merlin stood up and gestured to himself. “Come on, Will. I’m a Soc. Punch me.” Merlin waited. “Come on. I’m a dirty East Side Soc! Knock me down. Jab me in the gut. Kick me in the shins.”

“No!” Will yelled again, jumping up to yell at Merlin in the face.

“Why not!” Merlin yelled back.

“Because I’m not going to punch you Merlin!”

“Why not!” Merlin screamed, practically begging for a punch.

“Because you didn’t do anything wrong!” Will screamed back.

Will looked alarmed at his own conclusion. Merlin raised a brow at him. He made his point. They stared in silence for a while, Will wild eyed and looking more confused than ever. Then Will dashed out of the room and Merlin was left to fall back onto his bed in exasperation. He wouldn’t be able to catch a wink that night and he doubted Will or Arthur would either.

~

Arthur hadn’t been completely absent from the Socs in the time he had spent with Merlin. Every day at school he would see them and every Friday night, on the dot, he would gather around wherever they decided to be. His absence was mostly mental rather than physical, though he hadn’t spent as much time with the Socs as he had before.

So when Arthur showed up on Friday night, a hundred percent in focus, talking with the boys and checking up on them, everyone noticed. Especially Val. While Arthur had been in his (and Merlin’s) world, Val had been trying to overthrow him. The boys who didn’t like Val were getting worried, and as soon as they saw how Arthur was acting they attached onto him like loyal subjects.

Val had a paper bag wrapped around a suspicious bottle in one hand as he leaned against his car. He continued his conversation with one of his friends. “Greasers’ve been acting up. We should show ‘em a lesson.”

Some of them made noises of agreement. It was the usual way to start a rumble. Rile up the boys and then call on the greasers for a good old fashioned brawl. But that wasn’t Val’s call. By initiating it, he was challenging Arthur.

“Maybe you’re right Val.” Arthur said with a smile. “Didn’t those Greasers get you the other day, Johnny?” Arthur asked one of the younger boys who was still sporting a black eye. It had been one of the Greasers. Arthur’s stomach had roiled when he heard the news, but he didn’t say anything.

“You know they’re acting out because we haven’t shown ‘em who’s in charge.” Val said, looking straight at Arthur. “We’re getting soft.”

Arthur straightened his shoulders and picked up the gauntlet.

“Well then, we better show them.” Arthur said. “I’m calling a rumble.”

Val’s smile curled over his teeth, looking menacing and out for blood. “Well I won’t argue with that Pendragon.”

Lance was giving him that concerned face again. “What are you doing?” he whispered.

“Fixing it.” Arthur replied. Then he gathered a couple tough-looking Socs and had them follow him to the West Side. It was about time a rumble happened.

~

Will dashed into Merlin’s room so fast that Merlin jumped in surprise. “Jesus Christ, Will. What the hell are you doing?”

“Socs just called a rumble.” Will said, out of breath. Obviously he had run all the way from where he had been with Borden and the others.

“ _What?_ ” Merlin paled. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go to the rumble. How could he go and know he would be hurting Arthur’s friends, or God forbid, Arthur?

“Golden Boy just called it. On neutral ground. He had a pack of Socs with him.” Will said, sounding just as confused as Merlin was feeling.

“He wouldn’t.” Merlin said.

“He just did, Merlin!” Will yelled. “I told you he was a dick!”

“No!” Merlin yelled back, “He has a reason, I know it! Let me talk to him.”

“Hell no!” Will shouted. And that was final. Will would be diligent, never letting Merlin out of his sight.

“I won’t go to that rumble, Will.”

“Like Hell you won’t.” Will snapped. “You know what will happen if you don’t go? Everyone’s going to know something’s happened or they’ll think you’re a coward. You’ll be a target from both sides.”

Merlin knew Will was right, which was why he stomped out of the room without another word.

~

_“I have an idea”_ was all the note said.

He had to avoid Will after school, but as soon as he could, he went to the train station. It felt so different after everything that had happened. Merlin felt the gravel under his boots and saw the cracked windows, making him feel at home. But Merlin couldn’t stop the feeling of despair, because he told himself he wouldn’t meet with Arthur ever again, for both their sakes. But Arthur had called a rumble and Merlin needed to know what he was up to before he did something stupid.

Merlin found Arthur in the train station office, sitting on the counter and waiting for Merlin. Arthur didn’t look up and Merlin knew he must have heard him come in but he didn’t acknowledge him.

“This better be a damn great idea, Arthur.” Merlin said.

Merlin could see Arthur smile a little before his lips turned into a frown again. “I should have told you before I started this.”

“Started what?”

“I’ve got an idea.” Arthur looked up. “But you have to come to the rumble.”

“Arthur, I don’t know-”

Arthur hopped down and pulled Merlin into his arms. Merlin shouldn’t have let him, but if Merlin was going to resist, he wouldn’t have come at all. “You’re my friend, right Merlin?”

“Of course I am.” Merlin knew Arthur was more than that, but Merlin would never be able to call him anything more.

“And you want to still be my friend, despite us being a Soc and a greaser.”

“Yes. But-”

“And you’re willing to hear me out before you say you won’t go to the rumble?”

Merlin sighed. “Fine.”

“Good.” Arthur kissed him, and it hadn’t been that long but to Merlin it felt like ages. He held onto Arthur tightly and kissed him back until they were both breathless.

Eventually, when Arthur told him the idea, Merlin thought it was crazy and would probably get them both killed. He agreed to it anyways.

~

“Where the hell is he?” Val said.

“I don’t know, let’s get going. It’s almost midnight.” Another Soc said.

“We can’t go without Arthur.” Leon said, standing in front of Val, using his height against him.

“Like Hell we can’t. He’s not here and we meet at midnight.” Val pushed Leon aside and started walking toward the park where the rumble was going to happen. Other boys followed him, and despite looking worried, the boys who had been waiting for Arthur followed too.

When the Socs arrived at the rumble, the greasers were already there and they seemed to be as unsteady as the Socs.

“I told you he’d be here.” said Will, looking around desperately for Merlin.

“Then where is he?” asked Borden, looking pissed.

“Excuse me, Leon.” said Merlin as he walked past him.

Leon moved out of the way as a Soc tried to get to the front. He didn’t recognize him, but maybe it was too dark to see the boy properly.

“Excuse me, Daegal.” said Arthur as he moved to the front of the greasers. Daegal had better lighting on his side of the park, and Arthur’s hair caught easily in the moonlight, despite all the grease. Daegal gaped at him.

Merlin stepped out of the group of Socs just as Arthur stepped out of the group of greasers. Everyone stopped bickering with each other to see what was happening. It took a while for everyone to see what was going on.

Merlin was dressed in Arthur’s clothes: a blue button up, nice jeans, a red letterman, sneakers, and his hair was neatly styled even if it was too long. Arthur was dressed in Merlin’s clothes: a white t-shirt, dark jeans, a leather jacket, boots, and his hair had more grease in it than it ever had before.

No one in either the Socs or the greasers had noticed that the two boys had followed the opposite group on the way to the rumble, easily concealed in each other’s clothes.

They met in the middle and nodded at each other. Merlin took a step forward, facing the greasers, and Arthur stood behind him, facing the Socs.

“What the fuck are you doing, Pendragon?” Val snapped.

Will was already cursing up a storm on the greaser’s side, and Borden looked murderous.

“What in the hell are you wearing!”

“Are you a fucking Soc, dickhead?”

“Are you a greaser bastard, Pendragon?”

“Fucking traitor!”

Boys were yelling and cursing at them, but they didn’t move. Merlin could feel Arthur behind him and that was the only comfort he needed.

From the Soc’s side Leon and Lance were looking at Arthur with concern, but also catching onto Arthur’s point, even if it was hard to swallow.

Arthur raised his hand and the yelling stopped long enough for Arthur to get a word in.

“Come on, boys.” he said to his Socs. “If I’m greaser, go ahead and punch me.” He was looking at his friends, boys who had been by his side throughout the years.

Merlin gestured to himself. “Just a Soc bastard, give me a kick in the ribs. Punch my teeth out.”  Merlin opened his arms and offered to be beaten. “Come on, boys.”

Everyone stared, but didn’t move.

“What’s the point of this?” Bordern asked, his arms crossed and looking at Merlin in disgust.

Arthur answered instead of Merlin looking over his shoulder to Borden. “The point’s that we’ve been at this rivalry for years and we don’t even know what we’re doing anymore.”

“You’ve lost your marbles, Pendragon.” Val spat.

Merlin answered, “No. You’re the one who can’t see past your own nose. What’s the difference between a Soc and a greaser? What’s the difference?”

“They’re fucking bastards!” No one knew what side it came from.

Merlin and Arthur switched places, Merlin facing the Socs and Arthur facing the greasers.

“I look just like you.” Merlin said, “Am I a Soc?”

“Fucking West side greaser!”

“Gonna tear those clothes off you and beat you to a pulp, fucking dick!”

Arthur looked to the greasers. “Am I a greaser?” he gestured to the grease in his hair and the mud on his boots.

“He’s mocking us, you son of a bitch!”

“Fuck you!”

Someone on the greaser side jumped forward, aiming to hit Arthur. But Merlin knew it was bound to happen and moved Arthur out of the way. He punched the greaser in the jaw.

Everyone paused as they looked at Merlin, the other greaser on the ground from where Merlin had hit him. No one looked like they knew what to do. A greaser just punched another greaser in defense of a Soc. That started the rumble.

There was too much anger and too much confusion for the boys to handle and it all exploded into punches, kicks, and jabs. Merlin grabbed Arthur and tried to get out, but no one could get out of a rumble, especially when they were the cause of it.

Merlin and Arthur ended up punching, just so they wouldn’t get beaten to a pulp. Merlin tried to stop punches being thrown by greasers, but ended up being attacked in turn. He was cuffed around the side of his head and when he went down, someone started kicking his side. Arthur punched the greaser and pulled him Merlin upright. This action caused Val to become spitting angry and punched Arthur right in the jaw. Merlin kicked him in the back of his knees and pulled Arthur out of the way of Val’s friends.

It was chaos and confusion, the Socs and greasers looking pissed more than ever. Some of them were punching anything in sight. A couple were arguing and punching their own kind instead of the opposite side. And Merlin and Arthur were in the middle of it. Then a greaser pulled a knife.

Everyone moved away, seeing the flash of silver in the night, but it was too late. The greaser had swung straight at Arthur. Merlin was yelling but he was too far away. Then Will dropped to the floor, blood spattering his side. Merlin’s blood was pumping too loud in his ears. Arthur was in the mud, but he wasn’t bloody. Will was. The greaser looked at his hands and down at Will, a fellow greaser, and dropped the knife.

“Will!” Merlin screamed and ran to his best friend, dropping to his knees. Will had pushed the knife out of the way of Arthur and now he had a hole in his side. “Damn it, Will.” Merlin choked back a hysterical note and pushed his hands to the spot where blood seemed to be never-ending.

“Damn.” was all Will managed to say.

The fighting had stopped and no one moved. Some boys had already run as soon as the knife had been pulled. The greaser who had pulled the switchblade was nowhere to be found, but the knife was lying in the mud next to Will.

“Somebody call an ambulance!” Arthur yelled, looking down at Will.

Merlin looked up and stared at the greasers. “Don’t just stand there! Do something!”

Everyone moved all at once. It was probably out of self-preservation, but both the greasers and Socs yelled a retreat, and ran. They were all gone. Merlin knew that none of them were calling an ambulance. No one calls the cops on a rumble. Merlin held onto Will’s hand tighter. “You gotta hold on, Will.”

“Don’t.” Will shook his head. “You dickhead. Ambulance ain’t coming for a greaser.” Merlin tried not to cry but it was hard when he knew it was true. Will would bleed out before any help came. He pressed his hands harder against Will’s side, praying for it to stop. Just stop.

“Why’d you go and do that.” Merlin choked with a mix of wanting to yell at Will and to tell him everything would be okay. But he could barely speak, not when his hands were covered in Will’s blood, hot and slippery.

“No fuckin’ clue.” Will’s breathing was ragged, and it was too dark to see properly, but his skin looked pale. “Damn it. I know why.” He looked over to Arthur. “You didn’t deserve to die. Fucker shouldn’t have brought a knife.”

Merlin looked over to Arthur. His greased back hair had fallen into his eyes which were wide with panic. He looked down to Will, “You don’t deserve to die either.” His words sounded far away, not sure how to talk to someone who half-hated him and half-would die for him.

Will looked up at Arthur, an expression that said ‘Course I don’t, knucklehead.’ But he shuddered and all the acid in his expression drained.

They weren’t the only boys left. Besides Merlin and Arthur who hovered over Will, Lance and Leon were hesitantly waiting off to the side, Lance’s nose was bleeding but he didn’t seem to notice. They didn’t look like they knew what to do, a mix of knowing they should run and feeling like they should stay. Then Daegal appeared, running from the West side. Merlin wasn’t sure when he had run off, but he was panting like he had run a mile.

“Called the cops” he panted. “Ambulance.” he dropped next to Merlin and Will, looking hesitantly at the Socs who were still there.

Then there were sirens.

~

Later, Daegal would tell Merlin that as soon as he saw Arthur in greaser clothes he knew something bad was going to happen, so he ran to the nearest house, waking up the family there, and phoned the cops. Merlin had never been so grateful to someone in his entire life, especially since Daegal’s actions were probably the reason Will would live to yell at Merlin for another day.

That night, Will was rushed to the hospital and that left the rest of the boys alone and confused. No one had ever stayed long enough at a rumble to be confronted by the cops.

When the cops arrived, they didn’t recognize Arthur. Instead they saw the greaser clothes and shoved him into the cop car along with Daegal. Merlin screamed and told the cops to arrest him too. Arthur screamed at Merlin to just leave, but he wouldn’t listen. Merlin’s hands were still covered in blood and yet he wasn’t being arrested. Then the cops finally recognized Merlin, despite his Soc clothes, and gave him a good knock in the jaw for his insolence.

After a night in the holding cell, the boys were released. Merlin went to the hospital the next day, and Will had been sleeping when they got there, but he was alive and his side wasn’t bleeding out all over Merlin’s hands and onto Arthur’s clothes anymore. Merlin cried for what felt like ages, but he was smiling. Maybe it was the emotion over the last couple weeks, but he cried in front of everyone. Leon and Lance were still there, standing next to Arthur and looking hesitantly at Merlin and Arthur. Daegal stayed diligent next to Merlin, the only greaser who stayed.

Merlin thought that maybe it had been the break down that had proved to everyone that he was just a boy. Leon and Lance stopped looking at him as if he might attack them at any moment.

It took a while for things to change, but no one said change was fast. The rest of the school year Merlin and Arthur spent the school days together. When they had class together, they made a point to sit near each other. At lunch they ate together at a small table in the cafeteria, which for some reason gathered kids who were neither greaser nor Soc. Leon and Lance sat with them and soon found out that they actually liked Merlin. Daegal was more cautious but Arthur took him under his wing, just as Merlin had in the beginning of the year.

Not everyone was on board, of course. The adults saw Arthur Pendragon with Merlin Emerson and automatically thought he had gone downhill, lost all his potential. But other teachers saw Merlin Emerson and suddenly realized that he wasn’t as stupid or insolent as they thought he had been. A lot of kids thought they were nuts. The only reason they weren’t being beaten up every day was because they were both seen as the best fighters at the school.

Arthur’s Dad was outraged with the news that Arthur was hanging with boys from the West Side, especially after being caught at a rumble and arrested. Arthur had been grounded within an inch of his life. He couldn’t go out after school and weekends were spent at home. It made seeing Merlin a Hell of a lot harder, but they could at least spend the school days together. They slipped into the second story bathroom a couple times; locking the door, just to be alone for a few moments. But as long as Arthur promised to graduate and not get into any more trouble, his Dad wasn’t going to kill him. Though the minute he got into trouble, his Dad would reign down Hell.

Before they knew it, graduation day had come and summer had arrived. Mr. Gaius wished Merlin the best of luck and gave him a book as a graduation present. Merlin gave him a hug, surprising the elderly teacher. Arthur was off the hook with his Dad, and he was free to spend summer with his friends.

Without school to order the chaos of their new life, they weren’t sure where to go. The Socs had diminished into Val’s group and the former-Socs drifted back to Arthur. The greasers were a mess, but most of them gravitated towards Merlin, the older boys staying with Borden. That summer Arthur and Merlin grouped together the oddest group of boys that town had ever seen.

A night that summer, the drive-in was an odd mess of greasers and Socs all together. Leon was talking to Morgana, looking scared out of his mind but infatuated beyond belief. Daegal and Lance were actually watching the movie, keeping a running commentary on what they thought of it. Will was there, still sore but healing up. One of the Soc girls was coddling him, asking him if he was alright, and he looked more than happy to play up the injury.

Merlin and Arthur slipped out of the drive-in, no one paying attention to the red Bel-Air as it drove out. Arthur drove on, no one of the streets but them, and Merlin kicked up his converses onto on the dash with the window rolled down.

Eventually Arthur stopped the car, miles away from town, along a small road next to an orchard. Merlin looked over to him, the moonlight the only thing to see by, and smiled contentedly at him. Arthur kissed him, long and heavy, making Merlin feel like his blood had turned to molasses. Eventually they would get in the back seat, moving unhurriedly and making soft noises that only the trees could hear.

Later, as they laid awake with a blanket over them and Arthur’s arm acting as Merlin’s headrest, Arthur said, “I have an idea.”

Merlin laughed and shook his head. “What now, Arthur?”

“Come to California with me.”

“California? Why are you going there?”

“For us, you idiot.” Arthur moved so that he could look at Merlin properly. “No one would know us there. No one would expect me to be perfect and no one would think you’re no good.” Arthur leaned down to kiss Merlin’s forehead, “No one would know we were ever a greaser and a Soc. We’d just be Merlin and Arthur.”

Merlin had to admit that as soon as summer was over, everyone was going to start hounding them. This was the beginning of their lives. Arthur would have to start working for his Dad and hate every second of it. He would be pressured to marry, have kids, and get a house with a white picket fence. Merlin would have to get a job so he could start paying rent now that he wasn’t in school, or get a shack of his own on the West side.

The Socs and the greasers may have disappeared, forming into a mix of their own, but that didn’t change everything. It was a hell of a lot better, but it didn’t make it perfect. Merlin was still seen as a troublemaker with a bad reputation and Arthur was still the Golden Boy with too many expectations.

Not to mention that they’d never be able to be _together_. In California they could get an apartment. No one would think twice of two young men sharing an apartment to save money and no one would know that they had once been on opposite sides of town.

“Just Merlin and Arthur.” Merlin curled into Arthur’s arm, wondering what it would feel like to have Arthur in a bed that they could call their own.

“We’d wait out the summer.” Arthur whispered, as if telling Merlin a dream. “And right before Fall, we’ll pack up the Bel-Air and drive until we’re in California or bust.”

Merlin smiled, leaning up on his elbows so that he could look down at Arthur. “I’ll tell Will where we’re going and he’ll make a big fuss but be glad I’m getting out of this town.” He laughed as Arthur pushed back his hair, a smile on his lips. “Leon and Lance will worry over you, but wish you well.”

Arthur smiled, “We’ll get jobs and rent a tiny apartment up by San Francisco, just for us.”

Merlin continued, “I’ll get you all to myself, in a huge bed with sheets and pillows.”

“We’ll grow old together, probably sitting on a pair of rocking chairs.”

“Old geezers.” Merlin laughed. “No one will care or wonder why we’re not married.”

Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his own, pressing it against his chest. “So is that a yes?”

They were gone by the end of the summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter title is a reference to The Outsiders by SE Hinton. It means to stay innocent, or to stay true to yourself even in bad circumstance. It's rooted in the Robert Frost poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" which is about the corruption of innocence.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this long fic and to everyone who has waited so long for me to finish it.   
> Thank you for reading!


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